Sunday, May 15, 2011

Some Sad News


I'll keep this brief as I really don't know where to start, or what to say.

So I'll just say it.

If you are a new reader you may not know..... but long-term readers will know that Stuart and I have had very rocky periods during our marriage. 3 years ago I even left him for a week, needing space to think and process some issues we were having.

Things have never really improved. New issues developed. Old ones stuck around.

And now? We have reached a low low point.

We have separated.

Stuart is still living here, for the time being. We sleep in separate rooms, and are living as independent people. We share the care of the children, though I am still their primary care-giver. Once our house sells we will have some big decisions to make. We will most likely choose to rent separately while we both undergo counselling (I start this week), think and pray and just be separate people for awhile.

I don't know what else to say. This is why I haven't been blogging lately. I find it difficult to be authentic on here sometimes.... I feel like I'll lose readers if I'm just 'myself'. Yet that is what I long for - to be honest and authentic in my life.

The children are fine at the moment - though they are quite oblivious to what is going on. They are still perceptive though, and their behaviour indicates they know something is up - they're just not sure what. I'm dreading telling them we won't all be living together. Please pray for them?

I am looking to get back into the field I worked in before my children were born - disability services. I'll just look for two days work, for the days William is already in kindy. I don't want to put him in care any more than that. He's still so little. 3 years old in just 9 days...

Stuart and I are both doing okay. I know this is the best option at this point - though it's still painful. I am surrounded by very supportive friends who are there for me day and night. I am blessed by them.

More to come. Maybe some photos of my children just being beautiful and enjoying life? Boy I love those children. Sigh.

15 comments:

...they call me mommy... said...

((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))
Praying for you and your family, Saminda!

Jen's Busy Days said...

Sam, I am sorry to hear of your marriage problems. I would still love to hear how you and your family is doing, even if it isn't so great right now. Your children are lovely and I hope they come through this time with grace and peace. I will be praying for you and your dh as you go to counselling.

My dh and I have had our ups and downs, and after this long have decided that divorce would just be too messy. As a mood breaker we have found poking tongues works well, but then after 20 years together you get the hang of changing the mood when you realise the arguing goes nowhere nice. Funnily enough my eldest (12) now laughs when we fight. He can see the irony in the circles we go around in while trying to be the one who is right. He reminds me with his laughter that maybe it isn't so important who is right but that we love each other. And we stubbornly still do love each other so often poking tongues is the solution.

Email me if you ever want to just chat.

Best wishes
Jen

Cassie said...

Your family is in my thoughts and prayers. I am so sorry you are going through something like this. I can only imagine it's not easy to tell everyone. But the thing is, as much as we like to blog about good things and fun things. We are real people typing these blogs, we have real emotions that aren't always good, happy or fun. Don't be afraid to share them, don't be afraid to be yourself.

God Bless.

Karen said...

I'm sorry...I have no words. But I'll be praying for you all...

Renata said...

Dear dear Saminda
(((HUGS))) Sweet friend. I'll be praying for you all. I am sitting here crying for you imagining how difficult this post must have been to write. Please know I'm here for you & will love reading whatever you wish to share (email me if you have any extra prayer points or if you just wish to "blah" - renataatsunnyside@gmail.com or you have my other email). Cling onto the Lord through this time & know that we love you & are here for you.
Blessings
Renata XO

Smilie girl said...

My love to you Saminda and your precious family. I'm sure this is a hard thing to share and harder to be working through. I'm glad you have friends nearby to support you. And bloggy friends too. So lots of love and prayers for you. Hugs.

Kimmie said...

sending a hug and my prayers. Sorry friend. Keep your eyes and heart on Jesus and let Him lead you down paths of righteousness for HIS name's sake. Remember dear friend, no thing is impossible for Him. Seek Him and He will guide your every step Saminda.

xoxo
Kimmie

Ann at eightacresofeden said...

Dearest Saminda,
I am just so saddened to read this post this morning and I have been prayerfully considering what I can say to you. Can I email you and share my heart? I have seen too many couples and so many friends part. Most of the people we know, even on opposite sides of the world, both Christian and non Christian have been in very similar circumstances - there are patterns I observe and work very hard at not to allow to penetrate my own marriage. I am in tears for you and my heart is breaking for you all. I see the post that links within is '9 years ago' and there are all your pictures of your wedding day including the signing of the register. I've been thinking about this recently - we make sacred vows when we wed but they are lived out at home where the sacred and mundane meet. Can I recommend one book to you and no it's not Fireproof or the Love Dare even though I consider both of these excellent resources. I've mentioned it on my blog a couple of times - its 'Somewhere More Holy' by Tony Woodlief. Written by a man who loses his little daughter to cancer then struggles to save his crumbling marriage. It is a true life story of heartbreak and hope and the chapter which focuses on their marriage 'our bedroom - Rest for the Weary' is one I believe will really minister to you at the moment and maybe ignite just a flicker of hope. It's open, honest and authentic - not one of those 7 steps to a better marriage or 'have a new child or husband by Friday' - the quick fix books which seem to be all the rage at the moment. I said to my husband at breakfast - we have to pray for Saminda and Stuart - yes - I share with my husband about some of the friends I have met through blogging who I feel a connection with and a real deep concern for. Even though we have never met I have often thought about the day when we will meet and we can talk face to face. I am praying that it will be both our families that will meet - don't give up on that - that you will stay together and continue the journey called marriage, that is sometimes hard and arduous. I pray that this is your desire to see your marriage restored and not to 'find yourself' as some may counsel. I personally don't believe that this is the answer - hope that doesn't sound harsh but I've found that marriage is more about dying to self (and often biting my tongue when I have a thousand words to say to him!) than discovering oneself. I also pray you receive Godly counsel preferably from a married couple. Be wary of accepting counsel from too many people, you may be told different things and confusion will reign. I've recommended a book but don't forget the best manual for marriage and family life is The Bible. And pray like you have never prayed before.
Endure my sweet friend.

AmFriend said...

You know I am praying for you, Stu, and the children. My heart aches that you are suffering this uncertainty in your marriage. I pray that if it is God's will and you and Stu are both willing to do the incredible work that it will take to reconcile your marriage, that that is what will happen for you. Love and hugs, A

~Amanda said...

I am also praying for you, Stuart and those dear children of yours! My husband and I have been through some really rough times too. We seperated for a few months a few years back. At the time we had two children and I was two-thirds pregnant with the third! It's hard and sad. Please don't give up hope! Surround yourself with good christian friends who will NOT encourage divorce, but instead will love both you and Stuart through this time without 'taking sides'. I've been so encouraged with the comments so far of other Christ-minded individuals. We are all praying for your family and sending big hugs your way. I have not read the book Ann is recommending, but may I add another to it? It is called, "Hope for the Separated" by Gary Chapman. Remember, God specialises in healing and restoration. Much love and hugs from Victoria. I also offer my email (below) if you need or want it. xxx

~Amanda.
(living dot grace at hotmail dot com)

PS. Would you be opposed to me putting your family on our church's prayer list?

Heather said...

Saminda, I'm sharing your sadness. I don't know what to say, except that I'm so, so sorry, and I'm here if you need a listening ear. You and Stuart, and your sweet family will be in my daily prayers. I just wish I could give you a big hug.

Lori said...

Praying for you and your family. I so believe that God can make all things new and restore what is even dead. Remember He does miracles! My hope is a miracle for your family. I'm praying also for a quick and prosperous sale on your house so that any financial stress will be removed and taken out of the equation.

Laura said...

Dear Min- I know it's hard for you, and I'm praying for you. I know you love your children, and that there have been problems. But at least you are both seeing this and are dealing with it, rather than ignoring problems and just acting like they'll go away. Trust me, I speak from experience, that doesn't work.
You are handling this the right way. It'll be hard for the children, but one day, they'll understand that this is the best way.
Let me know if there are any other ways for me to help, pray, etc.

(And btw, I do have that drawing that you won months ago- it was returned to me, and I wasn't sure if I should resend it to the address I had before.)

Love you dearly,
Laura

Jen said...

Min - you're amazing!!!! Do whatever you believe is needed to restore happiness and love to your life and that of your children. Your own individual sense of worth is I believe really important, especially in a marriage, the right partner will only encourage this and see it flourish not let it be smothered or die. I can see that shining through in you again. Whatever happens, I hope you can continue to explore, grow and delight in your own journey - with God always with you - wherever that leads. xxxxjen

Anonymous said...

Hi Saminda, I am not sure if I have commented before but I have enjoyed reading your blog over the last couple of years.I am sorry to hear what you have been going through and just want to encourage you not to give up on having a great marriage with your husband.OUr marriage has had some really tough times and there were occasions early on in our marriage that I would just take off for a few hours and at times I wanted to
leave. We had many differences but as the years have gone by we have found many things we have in common and working through issues,which also included me letting go of some expectations I
had.I believe Satan wants to destroy Godly families, so it can be a battle.My husband and I have been married for nearly 18 years and even though we have been through testing times I am glad I stuck it out.You and your hubby are still young and there is always soughting out to do. Don't give up it will happen.You and your family will be richer for it. I don't know your circumstances and I don't need to know but I know with God all things are possible, and that you, your husband and your children are precious to Him. God bless you and I will pray for you. Angela

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