I'll keep this brief as I really don't know where to start, or what to say.
So I'll just say it.
If you are a new reader you may not know..... but long-term readers will know that Stuart and I have had very rocky periods during our marriage. 3 years ago I even left him for a week, needing space to think and process some issues we were having.
Things have never really improved. New issues developed. Old ones stuck around.
And now? We have reached a low low point.
We have separated.
Stuart is still living here, for the time being. We sleep in separate rooms, and are living as independent people. We share the care of the children, though I am still their primary care-giver. Once our house sells we will have some big decisions to make. We will most likely choose to rent separately while we both undergo counselling (I start this week), think and pray and just be separate people for awhile.
I don't know what else to say. This is why I haven't been blogging lately. I find it difficult to be authentic on here sometimes.... I feel like I'll lose readers if I'm just 'myself'. Yet that is what I long for - to be honest and authentic in my life.
The children are fine at the moment - though they are quite oblivious to what is going on. They are still perceptive though, and their behaviour indicates they know something is up - they're just not sure what. I'm dreading telling them we won't all be living together. Please pray for them?
I am looking to get back into the field I worked in before my children were born - disability services. I'll just look for two days work, for the days William is already in kindy. I don't want to put him in care any more than that. He's still so little. 3 years old in just 9 days...
Stuart and I are both doing okay. I know this is the best option at this point - though it's still painful. I am surrounded by very supportive friends who are there for me day and night. I am blessed by them.
More to come. Maybe some photos of my children just being beautiful and enjoying life? Boy I love those children. Sigh.