My Baby Turns 3

Last night he was restless, stirring often and mumbling something about birthdays and presents and tractor cakes. It was cute... in a "please go back to sleep, I'm tired" sort of way.

But the sun came up and there were presents, and a tractor cake, and friends and our music group and cupcakes and candles and turning 3. I think he had a great day.

He blew out the candles....

... and now my baby is three!

Happy birthday beautiful William David.

William...

... turns 3 tomorrow!!! :D

That is all.

Photos of the birthday boy to come.

Photographs in May

I love photographs. I love the stories they tell, the memories they evoke. I love looking back on them. And I love to share them. Right now I want to remember that in spite of all that's going on in my marriage, life continues on. The children are thriving and growing and experiencing life in all their childhood wonder. I want to remember that. So here are some photographs of my beautiful, beautiful babies from the last few weeks.

There were Mother's Day cards and precious little gifts

Dress-up day at school - she went as "Annie" ;)

A visit with my Dad in his nursing home

Brother-sister cuddles

and silly time. ;)

A trip to the beach

and a birthday party.

And to Elijah, a birthday party = an opportunity to wear his suit. ;)

(He also wore it to the free dress day, along with a black umbrella - he was Gene Kelly from Singing in the Rain!)

For me, there have been moments like this.

And this.

Time to think, and be, and enjoy the wonder of my beautiful children and this life we have all been given.

Some Sad News

I'll keep this brief as I really don't know where to start, or what to say.

So I'll just say it.

If you are a new reader you may not know..... but long-term readers will know that Stuart and I have had very rocky periods during our marriage. 3 years ago I even left him for a week, needing space to think and process some issues we were having.

Things have never really improved. New issues developed. Old ones stuck around.

And now? We have reached a low low point.

We have separated.

Stuart is still living here, for the time being. We sleep in separate rooms, and are living as independent people. We share the care of the children, though I am still their primary care-giver. Once our house sells we will have some big decisions to make. We will most likely choose to rent separately while we both undergo counselling (I start this week), think and pray and just be separate people for awhile.

I don't know what else to say. This is why I haven't been blogging lately. I find it difficult to be authentic on here sometimes.... I feel like I'll lose readers if I'm just 'myself'. Yet that is what I long for - to be honest and authentic in my life.

The children are fine at the moment - though they are quite oblivious to what is going on. They are still perceptive though, and their behaviour indicates they know something is up - they're just not sure what. I'm dreading telling them we won't all be living together. Please pray for them?

I am looking to get back into the field I worked in before my children were born - disability services. I'll just look for two days work, for the days William is already in kindy. I don't want to put him in care any more than that. He's still so little. 3 years old in just 9 days...

Stuart and I are both doing okay. I know this is the best option at this point - though it's still painful. I am surrounded by very supportive friends who are there for me day and night. I am blessed by them.

More to come. Maybe some photos of my children just being beautiful and enjoying life? Boy I love those children. Sigh.

Not really back at all...

I know, I know. I'm a dreadful blogger. I said I was back, but I'm not really back at all! I apologise. I'm sure many of you have given up on me all together. :(

There is a reason behind my absence. I wish I could tell you something wonderful like "I've been on holiday to Paris" or "We finally sold the house and we've been busy moving" or "I've been doing so many fabulous toddler activities with William, I haven't had time for blogging." ;) But..... no.

Nothing so great as that.

Things are hard at the moment.

We still haven't sold our home..... and financial pressures are causing stress.

There are other stressors I won't go into at this point - but they're preventing me from viewing life through that 'blog lens' - the one that sees the beautiful and the good in the ordinary. It's stopping me blogging. Right now, I have little desire to blog.

So for now, please know we're still here, I'm alive and well, my children are beautiful and growing strong.

I hope that sometime soon I am in a better place, and can pick up my writer's pen / keyboard once again. xx