A Little Celebrating!

Let the fireworks explode, the streamers unravel, the balloons fill the air, the music play! Today, we celebrate 700 posts at Ferns by the Fireside!

I asked you to tell me what you would like me to write about on this landmark occasion. ;) Okay, it's not really a landmark occasion but it feels like somewhat of an achievement!

So, here goes.

Amanda said "I would like you to talk about the expectations you had for your blog when you started. How is it different, and how is it as you imagined."

Well, I started my blog back in 2008 when several of my friends had started blogging. I thought "yay! a chance to write!" I do love to write my thoughts and express myself through the written word. It also seemed like a good way to journal our family's life. As for expectations, yes, I think it's pretty much been what I expected. I expected it to be fun, fulfilling, to bring me joy and be a way to connect with other women who blog. It has met all my expectations. :) I didn't know I would continue to blog for so many years, and so regularly. And I can't imagine that changing really. I could probably do this forever quite happily!

Renata said: "Congratulations on almost 700 - that is impressive! I really like Amanda's ideas. Also would you share how your faith in God has been strengthened through this difficult time you're currently going through".

Great question. Well, my faith in God is very strong at the moment. I do find, like most people, that when life is going along swimmingly that you tend to rely very much on yourself. It's easy to think that yes, we are in control and yes, we have our life quite sorted and everything is fine, thank you very much. :) When difficulties arise, whether it be poor health, troubles in relationships or an issue with a child, we turn to God in prayer. I believe He uses these times to strengthen our bond with him. This season for me has been a reminder that the world is a fallen, broken place. The ideal I had for my family is currently not the reality and that makes me so sad. For a long time I have clung to visual pictures of the "ideal" life - I have striven hard to meet these ideals, and they haven't always been realistic. This isn't in itself a bad thing, I would actually consider it a positive thing. But. God is teaching me that despite our brokenness, His love prevails. In spite of our circumstances, He is here. He truly does never leave us or forsake us. He is very present here in this home - He provided the children and I the perfect home in the perfect location, at the perfect time. He has taken care of finances. He has surrounded us with people who love us unconditionally. And He continues to provide the children and I with opportunities to grow and experience joy. All of this reminds me what an awesome God He is, and how very much He loves his children. So I guess the answer is - God is using this experience to draw me closer to Him, and for that, I'm very thankful.

Jen said "I would love to hear why you started a blog in the first place."

Thanks for your comment Jen - I think I answered your question in my response to Amanda's question! I started it to journal my thoughts and keep a record of the things happening in our family. :) The children and I love looking back on older posts as most of our best photos have been uploaded to the blog!

Melanie said "When I put my daughter to bed, each night I have to come up with a story about when I was little, so maybe you might write us a story about when you were little? Either that, or your 700 favourite books? (hehehe)"

Hmmmm...... I think I'll go with telling you a story about when I was little! As much as I love books, listing 700 of them would be somewhat too time consuming. ;)

Wow Melanie, first let me tell you that I love your bedtime tradition! My kids would love to hear more stories of when I was little!

They like hearing this story. When I was 8 months old I reached out to a little orange teddy bear when I was sitting in my pram, in a pharmacy. I was insistent I wanted him. :) My Mummy bought him for me, and he became my most favourite toy. She tells me the story of early one morning when I was about 15 months old, waking up to a blood curdling scream. She raced into my bedroom in the semi darkness to find me cowering in one corner of my cot. Orange Ted was right down the other end in another corner, and I was pointed madly at him. On closer inspection, Mum realised that his little black nose had come off, and was sitting in the opposite corner of the cot! I was seriously freaking out! Right then and there, at 4am, Mum sewed Ted's little nose back on. And I promptly fell back to sleep, cuddling him in my arms. :) To this day, I don't cope gracefully in a crisis situation! If one of my kids has a badly scraped open knee, I feel like cowering in the corner of the room just as I did when Ted lost his nose!! Of course, I don't. ;) Ted went on to have many more adventures, such as falling in the family swimming pool and losing most of his stuffing. Mum had to sew him a brand new body. I must remember to post a photo of him for you - I still have him, sitting in my bedroom. :)

Trish said "Congratulations Saminda! I would like to know what advice you would have for a new blogger just starting out."

It's great to see you blogging Trish! I like that you have chosen the theme of gardening. I think with blogging it's good to have a basic theme - it helps give your blog an identity. :) My advice would be to fall into a rhythm of blogging that you are happy with. Don't lay pressure on yourself to blog more often than is realistic. With four beautiful little people in your life, I know you are busy! So keep it simple. Sometimes blogging regularly - even just a short post with a picture and a caption - a few times a week can help keep the flow of your blog. But I have had, at times, weeks where I haven't found the time to blog. Accept this and don't put pressure on yourself! Blogging should be fun, and a reflection of who you are. And don't blog for other people, blog for yourself. :) Having said that, please include some photos of your gorgeous kiddos in your garden - I don't see enough of them!

Amanda said "Congrats Saminda! I would like to know your favourite Bible verses (maybe your fav 3?), why and what they mean to you. I love hearing how God uses His scriptures in peoples lives!"

This is a hard one. I have so many favourites that it is hard to narrow it down to only 3. One of my favourites I have in my sidebar - Psalm 4:23 - "Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it." I also cling tightly to Proverbs 3:5-6 - "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight." :) Um...... only one more! Well this next one I love so much that I bought a canvas with the verse printed on. It hangs in my kitchen, where I spend most of my time.

Psalm 46:10 - "Be still and know that I am God". For me this is a daily reminder to slow down, to breathe, to trust, and to listen to what He is telling me.

I also asked my children to share their favourite verse with you. They both chose the same one! Psalm 23, The Lord is my Shepherd. :) They really love this verse, I think because it's full of the quietness of God's strength, and all His promises to us.

And finally, Wendy said "Saminda, I would be interested to know how you feel that complete strangers can follow your life through your blog and you have no idea who is looking. I have met you through a friend, but have been following your blog and would love to know your perspective on Internet and personal security as I would be afraid that people could know so much about myself."

Wow. Big question! Do you know, this is not something that genuinely worries me? I don't know why - many bloggers I know use false names for their children and basically keep all personal details private. I understand their desire to do this - I have just never felt the need to, for myself. For me, there is something exciting about the not knowing who is reading the blog! I tend to hear from a long lost friend (or someone I barely know!) from time to time say "oh, I love reading your blog!" I actually enjoy thinking about who may be reading and enjoying seeing our family grow. Having said that, I don't tend to give very personal information away (though I do tend to share my emotions fairly openly; this is just how I'm wired!) But as for the town we live in, the school my children attend, etc., these details are not included in the blog for privacy reasons. Maybe I just hope and trust that the world is still a fairly honest place? This is probably naive but I pray that whoever's out there reading is genuine- family, friends, or friends I just haven't met yet. :)

There! I hope this has answered your questions and I thank you, faithful readers, for sticking with me through 700 blog posts! I know some of you have been reading since The Beginning. :) Have a great weekend everyone.

Life Changing News

Last week I received some life changing news. I am happy to tell you, the news is good news. :) In fact, the news is great news.

In a somewhat random and spontaneous 48 hours, I was told the executive producer and artistic director of the internationally renowned adult choir, The Australian Voices, were coming to my town to promote their current touring show, "Moon". After meeting with these amazing men to discuss the involvement of local singers in the opening number of the show, they informed me that they are also recruiting new members to join the choir. They asked if I would like to audition. I knew very little about them. I went home, logged on to their website, and did some research. I was inspired.

One of the main purposes of this choir is to commission Australian composers to write music for the choir, music about things which are iconic to our country. Then, they tour the country and the world singing this music. It's contemporary, it's unique, it's very complex at times, and very very beautiful. And it seems that while they do sing some more traditional, classical music, a lot of their contemporary pieces are very theatrical, incorporating elements of theatre such as lighting, projections, and costuming. Wow. I wanted to be part of it.

I spoke to Stuart. I spoke to my extended family. I had the full support of everyone. So, I went back to the theatre that afternoon, and I auditioned. It was gruelling. I had to sight sing a very difficult, chromatic passage the director had written on the whiteboard, having never heard the passage played. On my second attempt I sang it correctly! I also had to sing some difficult intervals, and in my best "choral voice" - no colour, no vibrato please - I was asked to sing our National Anthem. It was intense. I loved every minute. :)

They told me clearly that they still had a week of touring/promoting/auditioning to do, and very limited places to offer. I wouldn't hear anything for a week at least.

The very next morning I opened my email inbox and there was an email from the producer. The title of the email was "Welcome to The Australian Voices". I could barely breathe and I sat there for a full minute before opening the email! But it was true, my audition was successful and they were offering me a place in the choir!!! :-D I was (and am still) absolutely shocked!

I am so very very grateful for the incredible support my family and friends have shown me at this time. I have negotiated with the director of the choir regarding my availability for the remainder of 2011 (and negotiations will continue into 2012). He has been helpful and very flexible, understanding that I live 3 hours from the city (where the choir is based) and have very young children. My job now is to learn all my parts by myself, from home - no easy task I can assure you! The music is beautiful but a challenge to learn and to sing. I will be singing 2nd Soprano, which was my part when I sang in the Queensland Youth Choir for 7 years as a teenager. This whole process is bringing back fond memories of that time!

As for international travel, well I considered myself ineligible for that. However upon further investigation, and financial consideration, it seems I may actually be touring with the choir this year to Europe. Europe!!! And here I was thinking I wouldn't get overseas until I was in my 60's! Yes, they - sorry, we - are touring through Germany and France this November/December. The choir covers the cost of all travel and accommodation once in Europe. I will need to pay for my flights from and back to Australia, but if the tour is financially successful, the choir will reimburse members for flights also. The tour is for 3 weeks, but as my brother is getting married on December 10th I will only be going for the first 2 weeks. May I admit I'm grateful for that? 3 weeks away from my children would just be too long. In fact 2 weeks will be very very hard.

I'm going to have to fill my suitcase with photos of them! :( And already I'm planning to make a CD for them, with a spoken "letter" for them to listen to from me each day. And a half hour or so of me singing the sleepy songs I sing to them each night at bedtime. Hopefully this and a few other little things will help the time of separation which will be very different for us. My wonderful parents are going to help Stuart out with the care of the children - and thankfully, the 2nd week I'll be away is the first week of their summer holidays. Then I'll be home and we will be having a big family wedding and holiday time!

And I will have had my first experience of Europe. Singing. Music, travel, adventure.

God is so profoundly good, and surprising! Why he has considered me worthy and free to go and do this, I do not know. But I do know that before and after I auditioned I prayed over the decision - that it would be his alone. Honestly, this was not planned (at least not by me :)) so I didn't mind either way. He has allowed this. It feels like a beautiful gift and I'm blown away by the musical opportunities this choir will provide for me, whilst still allowing me live here in the country town where my children - and Stuart - are so settled and happy. To have all those big city opportunities without actually having to move truly is an answer to prayer.

Those of you who know me will understand that this is COMPLETELY out of my comfort zone! The very idea of leaving my family and friends and travelling to a foreign country with people I don't even know terrifies me! So maybe God is going to use this to teach me and grow me. I imagine it will only do good things for my confidence - an area I've always wanted to improve in.

Praise God for life changing surprises!

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Stay tuned for my next post - my 700th post! Please leave a comment here if you would like to contribute.

A Picture of Peace

Breakfast over, little ones gone off to play, and only the sun shining warmly through the dining room window remained. The sun and a few stray dishes.

A picture of peace in my morning.

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Thanks to those who have already commented on this post. Please, if you ever drop in and read my blog, if you are a long-term follower or a brand new reader, I want to hear from you! It's a chance for me to discover who is out there, and for you to let me know what you enjoy reading here or have always wanted to know! :)

Just Dropping In

Well it's 9pm on a Friday night and it's been a loooong week.

Monday through to Thursday was busy busy with the children. Aside from school, there were after school and evening activities every day! Very unusual for us and far too busy for my liking. But we did enjoy a visit from my parents on Wednesday which was great - they came up to see Elijah perform in a school concert Wednesday evening. It's nice for him to have their support. :)

This morning I woke up feeling a bit under the weather (run down probably...) so I've had a very quiet day. Aside from a short visit from a friend, I've been on my own and managed to watch the WHOLE season of Downton Abbey - have you seen it? It was wonderful! I'm just disappointed I have to wait until next year to see the next instalment! I had a long walk this afternoon and have done a bit of housework this evening. Time for bed soon.

I hope everyone's weekend is full of good things. :)

I Love to Write

I really really do. Sometimes I can't think of a way to coherently tie my thoughts together, so I avoid putting pen to paper..... or fingers to keyboard...... but not today. Today, I want to write. So I will.

It is Friday. It is late winter but already you can smell that spring isn't far away. The coming weeks will bring warmer weather and longer days. I'm looking forward to that. This has been a COLD winter - and this is a very very cold house. My next door neighbour Stan, a darling 90-something year old man who lives alone ("my wife died 4 years ago dearie" he told me through teary eyes the first time we spoke at the fence) tells me he has lived in very cold places in his life, and this winter Maryborough has been as cold as any of them. He is right. Spring can't come soon enough. These houses are built for summer's heat, not winter's chill.

This morning I determined when I woke up that I wasn't doing anything until I had finished reading Water for Elephants. I had planned to read yesterday but ended up having a friend visit in the afternoon and stay through until late last night. We managed to watch "Once" and "Julie and Julia" - both fantastic movies by the way! Julie and Julia is a must see if you're a blogger. ;)

So.... I read. I read and read and read. I ate some porridge and had my coffee..... 10am came around and still I read. I finished it about 10:30 - it was so wonderful, read it please!!

I got dressed and went for a blissfully uneventful bike ride round the park. I say uneventful because yesterday's ride was erm.... not. One of the pedals happened to fly off when I was half-way round the track. Thankfully I didn't topple or hurt myself (which would have been a typically me thing to do.... still, the pedal is close enough) - but as I rooted around in the grass looking for the lost pedal two pristine-looking joggers in their "proper" running gear jogged past me. "Ha, I'm ... I'm.... just having issues with my pedal" I stammered quietly as they glanced at me. They didn't reply.

Half an hour later I was home, having unsuccessfully tried to reattach the pedal and failed (you need a spanner or wrench or something - neither of which I own and certainly didn't have with me on my morning ride) so I walked the bike home, pedal in one hand, broken bike in the other.

A friend reattached it for me last night while I was teaching a singing student. And so this morning I was thankful to make it all the way round the riding track, and home again, uneventfully. It's a beautiful day outside.

Since then I have tackled some housework, begun my next book (Ahn Do's memoir "The Happiest Refuge" - he's an Aussie comedian and the book is highly recommended), baked a dozen raspberry and choc chip and a dozen apple and cinnamon muffins for the kids' lunch boxes next week, and tidied up the front garden beds a bit. They have flowers, strawberries and herbs planted in them, but they're not mulched so I'm having to pinch the weeds and grass out of them fairly often. Picked a bunch of petunias and daisies for the dining room table.

I then looked up the 2002 blog of Julie Powell which inspired the film Julie and Julia. It's fascinating! Wish I had time to read the whole thing - all 365 entries. :-)

And now..... well, I'm here, writing. Did I mention I love to write? If I could find someone to pay me to stay home and write all day long I'd be supremely happy. So long as I could break free and (be paid to) sing on stage every so often. Sounds perfect to me - any offers?

Alas, it is time to go fold the mount everest washing pile in my bedroom. Then a walk. Then roast a chicken and make a salad for dinner. Then coffee with my dear friend Petrina tonight.

Thanks for listening!

New Home Tour - My Sanctuary

My bedroom really is my sanctuary. I am now parenting on my own 5 days each week and it is exhausting at times. I love having my own space I can retreat to. I really love this big airy room. There are no curtains, and a street lamp right outside, so it's pretty bright during the night. :) But not so bad in this current winter weather with the sun rising a little later. Summer may be a different story!

And I've fallen in love with my beautiful big bay window. :) Hoping to make it even comfier with lots of cushions at some stage.

Thankful for this little sanctuary!

God's Grace. And Changes.

I sit here in this house, this gift of a house, on my gifted - borrowed - laptop from a dear friend, and I'm overwhelmed by Grace. Why Lord? Why do you care for us the way you do? We are so undeserving. I for one know I keep stuffing up. In my parenting. In the way I care (or rather, don't care) for others when I should. In my personal life.

Yet He persists with us.

Thank God, literally. Because I wouldn't want to be walking this life road without His protection and grace. I simply wouldn't get very far.

I have just finished a book, once again gifted to me by grace, from a dear friend who apparently saw the book online and thought of me, having it posted right to my home ("why again Lord? I haven't been the friend to her that she deserved, yet still, grace....) - and it has brought both challenge and joy to my heart.

"Somewhere More Holy" by Tony Woodlief. Tony also has a blog I visited this morning, and I know I'll be back. :) Challenge - that I need to be more authentically ME in my writing. Forget any signs of false perfection in my blogging friends, for what you will be receiving (I hope) is honesty, the raw truth, and authentic, bare-souled me. For that is what I found in Tony's writing, and I so appreciated it! Joy - that I can see this parenting season, while my little ones are little, as more precious than I have ever seen it before. I got that from Tony too. He and his wife Celeste lost a child, see - so their perspective, their life experience, is somewhat different to mine. A little girl whom they lost to cancer - and what that did to Tony, his relationship with God and with his wife and the whole of humanity. Four little boys followed that little girl. He too has been shown grace in the wake of tragedy and sin (his own). Get hold of the book and read it, I insist. ;)

So, a blog overhaul is about to occur. It will still be me, yes, but a more honest me. A less "must make my blog look as beautiful as possible" me. I hope you'll still visit.

Please read my revised "about me" profile bit. If you're a new reader..... well, it tells you a bit about what's going on for me right now. If you're an old bloggy friend.... well, you know how much I love you all and I hope and trust you will hang in here with me through this life season I'm in. I used to think so much about me was defined by the choices I make - babywearing, homebirthing, homeschooling, country living, cloth nappy using, etc. etc. And yes, our choices do define us to a degree. But guess what? I was then, and am still, Saminda. I no longer homeschool and my marriage has broken down. But here inside, I am still me. I still cry, and laugh, and sleep, and eat, and love my children so much it hurts, and cook meals for them, and read, and sing, and blog.

I reached a point sometime last year where I was just plain exhausted. Like, really really exhausted. And I got sick, and spent numerous hours in hospital, and had tests, and was told I had a minor condition with my heart for which I needed medication and some lifestyle changes. A few months later, our children were enrolled in the local Christian school. And now, I find myself here. Instead of looking out the window and seeing trees, I see houses. I can still hear the wind in the trees, and the birds whistling, but I hear cars too. Lots of them. I can walk with the children to town to visit the library, or friends. Or walk the other direction and you get to the parkland / lagoon / walking track. It's a different kind of nice.

I am getting used to this new "normal", for us. My children's own resilience and trust and acceptance of this both overwhelms and challenges my own thinking. They are, truly, amazing little people. They have this trust of us - their parents - and if we say this is the best thing for our family at the moment, and tell them it's an adventure, and that it's fun and exciting having two homes (and we have done all of that, and more - we have never conveyed this change as a 'tragedy' to them) - than that's what they believe. And they are amazingly settled and at peace with it all.

I worry about them, and all of this, which I suppose is natural. But alongside my worry there is sunshine and children's giggles and music and friends popping over often and walks in the mornings and cosy dinners together at night.

God's grace abounds. I thank Him. And I thank you (in advance) for your acceptance of me. Writing is a release for me, and I look forward to doing more of it and being the most authentic me I can be.

What's Happening?

I've received several personal emails from readers, asking what's happening here at the moment. My blogging isn't very regular lately, and for that I apologise! I'm sure one day soon things will settle and I'll be back into some sort of routine.

So.... what's been happening?

The children have been busy with school and all that that entails. Projects, homework, reading, friends, birthday parties, life. All three of them are really thriving at the moment.

William and I have enjoyed long walks in the mornings together, and cuddles at home - trying to keep warm, it has been really cold the last couple of weeks!

I have visited my home city twice in the last month - the first time was a fleeting visit, to see an amazing vocal teacher and have a singing lesson with her - that was incredibly inspiring. I've been working hard on my singing ever since, both as a soloist and in a female quartet some friends and I have formed up here. We're already being offered some gigs, so that's promising. :)

The second time was to spend a day with my Mum, and visit with some old friends if mine. It has given me strength, spending time there.

Stuart and I are still living together, though as separate people. We are going through the looong processes you must go through when separating... and it's been a rather gruelling time for us both. There's not much else to report - other than we are okay, I have started having counselling, and we are both getting lots of support from friends.

Today I'm planning for Elijah's 6th birthday party, which is tomorrow. He is SO excited. :D

I'll leave you with this link to one of our "Sisters" rehearsals the other night. It's rough, and one of the quartet is missing, but it's something to show you! Cover of "Angel" by Sarah McLachlan.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CO6ElPxwRuc

Photographs in May

I love photographs. I love the stories they tell, the memories they evoke. I love looking back on them. And I love to share them. Right now I want to remember that in spite of all that's going on in my marriage, life continues on. The children are thriving and growing and experiencing life in all their childhood wonder. I want to remember that. So here are some photographs of my beautiful, beautiful babies from the last few weeks.

There were Mother's Day cards and precious little gifts

Dress-up day at school - she went as "Annie" ;)

A visit with my Dad in his nursing home

Brother-sister cuddles

and silly time. ;)

A trip to the beach

and a birthday party.

And to Elijah, a birthday party = an opportunity to wear his suit. ;)

(He also wore it to the free dress day, along with a black umbrella - he was Gene Kelly from Singing in the Rain!)

For me, there have been moments like this.

And this.

Time to think, and be, and enjoy the wonder of my beautiful children and this life we have all been given.

Not really back at all...

I know, I know. I'm a dreadful blogger. I said I was back, but I'm not really back at all! I apologise. I'm sure many of you have given up on me all together. :(

There is a reason behind my absence. I wish I could tell you something wonderful like "I've been on holiday to Paris" or "We finally sold the house and we've been busy moving" or "I've been doing so many fabulous toddler activities with William, I haven't had time for blogging." ;) But..... no.

Nothing so great as that.

Things are hard at the moment.

We still haven't sold our home..... and financial pressures are causing stress.

There are other stressors I won't go into at this point - but they're preventing me from viewing life through that 'blog lens' - the one that sees the beautiful and the good in the ordinary. It's stopping me blogging. Right now, I have little desire to blog.

So for now, please know we're still here, I'm alive and well, my children are beautiful and growing strong.

I hope that sometime soon I am in a better place, and can pick up my writer's pen / keyboard once again. xx

Weary Bones

Today I am weary. Not just tired, but weary. You know, when you feel it right in your bones?

I feel so joyful being part of this musical, but it is taking it's toll. What I thought was 7 days of straight rehearsing and performing turns out to be 11 days. 11. DAYS. Ouch. Today is Day 6.

Who does this impact, even more than it does me? And Stuart? The children.

My sweet babies who are the loves of my life, and yet right now - I just can't be with them as much as I'd like to be. Everything is a little off balance.

This morning, Elijah disobeyed me one too many times - and he really copped it. Not just a natural consequence; not a firm but gentle talking-to; not a calm smack and move on ........... no, I actually lost it with him. I yelled. I cried. He cried. It wasn't nice.

Today has been hard. I'm thinking a lot about my priorities, and how to keep the balance throughout the next 4 weeks. The children are my first priority (and Stuart of course), and yet I must attend these rehearsals. How to do this?

Today William has been at kindy, and I have had the opportunity to journal and think and rest most of the day. Being kind to myself helps me be a better Mama. It just does.

I love performing and musical theatre is a great love of mine. It is my passion. But then so is my family. I must make this work!

So, starting tomorrow, I pledge to:

* Continue drinking copious quantities of water, and eating a healthy, whole foods diet

* Taking my vitamins

* Gentle-moderate exercise every day

* Take at least a 15 minute nap every day

* Gentle vocal exercises / song practice and script review for a maximum of 20 minutes daily - after all, I'm spending 3-4 hours per day on average at the theatre, so home time needs to be home time!

* Pray without ceasing

* Open my Bible every day with my breakfast. This I MUST do!

* Go immediately to bed upon getting home from rehearsals, even if I do lie there awake for an hour (I have a tendency to stay up talking with Stuart, or spending time on facebook, or reading etc. until I feel tired - this can take hours and get me to be around midnight)

* Breathe deeply through conflict. Stay calm with my children, even when I am cranky and tired. They are too precious to be yelled at. They must know how much they are loved, tiredness or nay.

Hoping and praying I can do all these things. I know they will make a difference in this uncharacteristically busy time in my life. :)

Oh, and a peace offering:

I baked this cake today, and am spreading the table ready for a surprise afternoon tea with the children. I can't wait to spend the afternoon with them.

My Road to Better Health

If you have been reading my blog for a little while, you will know that last year I had a very rough "health" year. I suffered with frequent migraines (virtually daily), and developed a minor heart condition - my heart was lapsing into Sinus Tachycardia (a steady but very increased heart rate) and Ectopic beats ("extra" beats) regularly. The doctor helped me identify some triggers for my heart troubles, and I have since (mostly) taken caffeine, alcohol and take-away foods out of my diet. This has helped. The other main trigger was physical and emotional stress, and lack of sleep. This problem has been aided by the children being at school this year, and my littlest in care two days each week - I have a much calmer life at the moment! I am taking medication to prevent the migraines, which is working wonderfully.

However.

A side affect of this medication is weight gain. Over the Christmas period, just after starting on it, and then partaking in all the Christmas fare, I managed to gain 5 kilos in just a few short weeks. I was not impressed.

During my first costume fitting for The Music Man last month, we discovered that my skirt was too firm. I told the costume ladies I intended trying to lose the weight I had gained, and they encouraged me to do so as this particular skirt was unalterable. Eeek!! The pressure got me down, and I spoke to my Mum about my dilemma. 9 weeks until Opening Night. 5 kilos to lose. Medication increasing my appetite, and my weight gain, every day. No migraines though - so going off the med was not an option.

This is what she recommended.

She and my stepDad Ray have used the CSIRO lifestyle plan before, very successfully. I started that very day.

The daily portion guide went up on my fridge. Each time I ate, I marked with pencil which group I had eaten from. I cut all sugar and other treats out of my diet. It was hard. I was very hungry for the first few weeks, mostly due to my medication. The diet is actually quiet filling, if you eat all your portions each day. (The diet is fairly low in carbohydrates and quite high in protein but I don't like eating quite that much meat, so I tend not to have as much protein as is suggested - or dairy for that matter. Sometimes I'll have a handful of nuts instead, and fresh eggs are plentiful here so they can replace meat portions too).

I measured and weighed everything and gradually it got easier. It became part of my daily routine. Stuart joined me (though isn't as strict as I am ;)), and I began to feel quite fabulous!

The same week I started the diet, I also started exercising every day. This is an important part of the plan. Even though I've always been an active person, I was not a frequent exerciser per se, so this was so good for me. It has improved my heart health, and I am having very few episodes of SVT and palpitations now. I am getting more toned and my cardiovascular health is so much better.

My Exercise Routine: Basically I take a brisk walk about 4-5 times a week for around 40 minutes. 3 of those walks happen on weekday mornings, so William sits in his pram and we chat while I pound the pavement. I also have a "routine" of exercises I do 6 days a week at home (Sunday I get off :)). You don't need to join a gym to work out!! This includes 2 brackets of 100 situps (I only started with 15 and built up gradually - you can do the same!), squats, raises (going up onto your toes and down again - repeat up to 30 times), push ups, pectoral toning exercises (search the net!), tricep toning exercises, and lifting 3kg weights in various positions - again, start small and build up gradually! I've also just started swimming once a week - just starting small, and I know I'll be able to swim longer each week.

Stuart made a simple chart for us, and each morning before breakfast we do the "weigh in". Trust me, women's weight especially fluctuates throughout the month - don't worry about this. Stick to your plan, and you will keep losing fat and gaining muscle tone!

Despite my awful weight-gaining medication, I have lost 4 kilos so far. We've been going for about 6 weeks now. I couldn't be happier. And even though I look forward to adding some treats back into my life sometime soon, I know this eating plan and certainly the exercise is something I plan to stick to for life now. I just feel so much better.

And, my skirt fits! I had another costume fitting last week, and the costume is sitting much more smoothly.

Whatever your weight, whatever age and stage of life you're in, if you want to improve your health and lifestyle - let me encourage you to do it. Find an eating plan that works for you, write everything down, and stick to it. Be kind to yourself. Make realistic goals. Find time to exercise - even if it's just in little bouts here and there. If you can't walk for 40 minutes, walk for 10. Park a little further from the shopping centre and get a bit of a walk in. Clean your house as fast and as vigorously as you can! You can fit in 5 push ups here, and 20 squats there. Once again, mark it all down. Start small. And be proud of your achievements, big and small!

Reflection and Confessions

May I tell you something, my dear readers? I have been thinking and reflecting a lot about my last post. Being very honest with you, it was hard to put all of that out there to you. I am still processing the decisions we have made regarding the children's schooling this year. I haven't yet fully moved passed the guilt.

Yes, I am feeling guilty about putting them in school, and William in day care 2 days a week. For the past 10 years (even before our first baby was born) we have fully believed in and advocated homeschooling and full time mothering. I now know from personal experience that all of these choices can and do change as you monitor the progress of your family, and the development of each child. For us, this year, we firmly believe it to be the best decision for our family. And yet I still struggle with feelings of guilt. Like I'm not being the best Mama to them that I ought to be.

Why is this?

Another question for you.......... If all our children end up in school for the next several years, or all the way through to senior, what do I do? Stuart says he is happy for me to stay home, part-time music teaching and homemaking, being there for our children after school, keeping our home peaceful and running smoothly.

I am so thankful for this. My only concern is "what will people think of me?" What if they think I ought to be working outside the home? And there is the consideration of being able to contribute financially to the household etc. I know it doesn't matter what people think. And really, a decision about this doesn't need to be made at this time. :) I guess I'm just thinking ahead of myself, wondering, pondering thoughts and searching for answers.

I do so love being with my children. I am afraid if I start to search for a new career, pursue new studies, etc. that my attentions will transfer too far out of the home and it will be difficult to care properly for my family while the children are small. Can anyone relate to this? When they are older, perhaps it will feel more right to do these things.

The other day we watched the movie "Chitty Chitty Bang Bang" and then sat and did some drawing together. I am soaking up these last days of all of us being home together, all the time.

Saraya's beautiful work - the flying Chitty Bang Bang and the house and invention room below.

I did a little sketching which Saraya coloured in.

William drew this one! I was amazed by his form here. :)

Elijah's "Funny hand men with ears". ;) He deviated from the topic a little!

This little man has fully embraced the idea of going to Prep. He will be almost a year older than many of the children in his class - but I don't mind that one bit. :) Look what he did yesterday:

I told him the letters a few at a time from the kitchen, and he wrote out "Welcome Saminda" on the verandah in chalk. Wow!

And this big girl? Well, as long as she has books in her hands she is happy. :)

We visited the library yesterday. She has gobbled up two of these stories already.

I know there won't be as much time for this once school starts. But I have to believe that the months and months of time reading she had last year will help her in her studies at school - and in life in general.

And I will do everything I can to make sure she still gets plenty of free time to keep exploring stories and adventures.

Please friends, I would appreciate any of your ideas / thoughts / opinions on all of the above. I guess I'm after some encouragement. I feel a bit lost "leaving" the beautiful homeschooling community I have been part of the past few years (both real life and online) - despite the fact that we are doing school, I will still parent with very much a homeschool mentality. I'm sure some of you understand what I mean.

Thanks, once again, for listening to my rambles. :)

My Life Now

Sorry I've been a slack blogger lately. Life has been very full of wonderful summer holiday things! With the flood seemingly over and behind us, lots of other things have been keeping us busy.

We've had trips to the pool and the water park and the indoor playcentre, we've been school shoe shopping and school book covering, pencil labelling, etc. - and I even had a spontaneous trip by train last weekend for my little brother's engagement party! We are meant to be travelling to the city again next weekend to see the musical Wicked, but it may be cancelled due to the recent flooding. We know up until the Friday night performance is cancelled - but Saturday is still yet to be announced. I'm not giving up hope yet!

The children start school next week so we've been talking lots about that, praying, preparing, etc. I think we're all feeling a combination of excitement and nerves.

But mostly my life right now has been full of this:

Remember this post? Well, Marian is slowing entering my subconscious as I learn all my lines and music and try to get my head fully around this rather complex character!

Our first rehearsal was on Monday night. The whole cast was together for the first time and we worked on a chorus number. I'm not in many of the chorus scenes, so won't be required Monday nights again for the next few weeks. Wednesday nights are Principal rehearsals (SO excited for tonight!), and Saturday mornings are purely singing with our vocal coach for the show. I've had to shift three of my own piano students to lesson times through the week. Life is certainly going to be full for awhile. Once we get into February and March, rehearsals will be Monday and Wednesday nights, plus Saturdays and Sunday afternoons. Final couple of weeks before we open we need to be available to go in every night of the week. Eeek! With no family in town, this is an enormous challenge for me. Thankfully Stuart and I can tag-team quite a bit as we're mostly in different scenes - but once we start doing full runs of the show, our wonderful babysitter Hayley and a couple of special friends will be caring for our little ones at night time. It will be a whole team effort! :)

I am so excited about this opportunity, and am going to be working very hard to ensure life stays as calm and smooth for the children as possible for the next 8 weeks........ until it's all over. Theatre is my passion, and it's so good for my spirit to be working on a project like this one. While the children are at school, William and I will be busy keeping all the cogs of home life turning. :) And he will be in care two days a week in a fantastic day care centre here in town. He is calling it "Kindy" and is beyond excited about going! We went to visit last week and I just feel a huge sense of peace about it. I will use that time for piano teaching (I've got three, maybe four students to fit in on weekday afternoons), housework, cooking, appointments, shopping, singing practice, exercise, etc etc. And maybe a bit of rest here and there. ;)

Last year was quite a harrowing year in many ways. Health problems were the main concern. Then there were issues within our family - things that just weren't working well. We are all feeling quietly hopeful that 2011 will be a year of balance for all of us. Balance for good physical and mental health, balance of work and play and rest. Balance of time at home and time 'out in the world'. :) Time to read and time to delve into scripture, intentional time for prayer and spiritual growth. I just want to draw closer to my Saviour this year and trust and rely on Him more than ever before.

Wishing you all a balanced, happy and healthy year too my friends! Oh, and thank you for listening to my rambles.

Some exciting news

Just a very quick post to say.......

I just got the lead role in a musical last night!! It's the role of Marian in "The Music Man" for anyone who may know the show. Our town is putting it on as a community musical next year, with a professional director and vocal coach on board! Auditions were earlier in the week, and Stuart and I both got call backs. He has a principle part too - the funny off-sider friend of the lead actor. :)

I am in shock. Call backs were intense last night. It was just myself and one other (beautiful, amazing and talented) lady who I have admired for years who were called back for Marian. So it was full on. Singing, script reading, character acting, you name it. And all on the stage in front of lots of fellow actors. Eeek!

But the announcement was made at the end of the night - Stuart has been cast as Marcellus and Saminda has been cast as Marian - and we couldn't be happier with the news!!!

Rehearsals start January 17th - so we have a huge amount to learn off by heart by that date. The rehearsal schedule is only 8 weeks, which is very very short - so it will be a busy and challenging 8 weeks. But hooray!! What an opportunity!!! I'm still getting my head around being "the leading lady" - first time for me. :)

Have a wonderful weekend friends!

Nice and Easy

Last week I made a hairdressers appointment. I was feeling like a change and told the girl to "take all my hair off". She looked shocked, but proceeded anyway. :) She knows the customer's always right!! We worked at a few styles and came up with something we were both very happy with. Not that she needed to be happy with it...... but you know, I value her knowledgeable opinion!

She put some blonde foils in too - the first time I've ever put permanent colour in my hair! It's fairly short (for me), but I am loving how quick it is to style in the morning, and how lovely and cool it is on my neck. I can wear it straight or curly so it's also pretty versatile. The heat of summer is coming, and I'm ready for it! And as they say, a change is as good as a holiday.

9 Whole Years Ago

Memories of my sweet Nanna, the buzz, the excitement of getting ready to go to the church..

... his face when he first saw me walking down the aisle ;), that feeling of "oh my goodness we're married now!"...

... the string quartet, that first dance and thinking "he's mine, all mine.."...

... the exquisite cake, the laughter, family, friends, the quietness of the carriage ride, my little brother in his tie...

... photos by the bay, endless photos, smiling, joy, family together...

... We're Married!

It may have been 9 Whole Years Ago, but I remember it like it was yesterday. :D

Happy Anniversary to my Darling Husband! xx