Today I am weary. Not just tired, but weary. You know, when you feel it right in your bones?
I feel so joyful being part of this musical, but it is taking it's toll. What I thought was 7 days of straight rehearsing and performing turns out to be 11 days. 11. DAYS. Ouch. Today is Day 6.
Who does this impact, even more than it does me? And Stuart? The children.
My sweet babies who are the loves of my life, and yet right now - I just can't be with them as much as I'd like to be. Everything is a little off balance.
This morning, Elijah disobeyed me one too many times - and he really copped it. Not just a natural consequence; not a firm but gentle talking-to; not a calm smack and move on ........... no, I actually lost it with him. I yelled. I cried. He cried. It wasn't nice.
Today has been hard. I'm thinking a lot about my priorities, and how to keep the balance throughout the next 4 weeks. The children are my first priority (and Stuart of course), and yet I must attend these rehearsals. How to do this?
Today William has been at kindy, and I have had the opportunity to journal and think and rest most of the day. Being kind to myself helps me be a better Mama. It just does.
I love performing and musical theatre is a great love of mine. It is my passion. But then so is my family. I must make this work!
So, starting tomorrow, I pledge to:
* Continue drinking copious quantities of water, and eating a healthy, whole foods diet
* Taking my vitamins
* Gentle-moderate exercise every day
* Take at least a 15 minute nap every day
* Gentle vocal exercises / song practice and script review for a maximum of 20 minutes daily - after all, I'm spending 3-4 hours per day on average at the theatre, so home time needs to be home time!
* Pray without ceasing
* Open my Bible every day with my breakfast. This I MUST do!
* Go immediately to bed upon getting home from rehearsals, even if I do lie there awake for an hour (I have a tendency to stay up talking with Stuart, or spending time on facebook, or reading etc. until I feel tired - this can take hours and get me to be around midnight)
* Breathe deeply through conflict. Stay calm with my children, even when I am cranky and tired. They are too precious to be yelled at. They must know how much they are loved, tiredness or nay.
Hoping and praying I can do all these things. I know they will make a difference in this uncharacteristically busy time in my life. :)
Oh, and a peace offering:
I baked this cake today, and am spreading the table ready for a surprise afternoon tea with the children. I can't wait to spend the afternoon with them.