Reflection and Confessions

May I tell you something, my dear readers? I have been thinking and reflecting a lot about my last post. Being very honest with you, it was hard to put all of that out there to you. I am still processing the decisions we have made regarding the children's schooling this year. I haven't yet fully moved passed the guilt.

Yes, I am feeling guilty about putting them in school, and William in day care 2 days a week. For the past 10 years (even before our first baby was born) we have fully believed in and advocated homeschooling and full time mothering. I now know from personal experience that all of these choices can and do change as you monitor the progress of your family, and the development of each child. For us, this year, we firmly believe it to be the best decision for our family. And yet I still struggle with feelings of guilt. Like I'm not being the best Mama to them that I ought to be.

Why is this?

Another question for you.......... If all our children end up in school for the next several years, or all the way through to senior, what do I do? Stuart says he is happy for me to stay home, part-time music teaching and homemaking, being there for our children after school, keeping our home peaceful and running smoothly.

I am so thankful for this. My only concern is "what will people think of me?" What if they think I ought to be working outside the home? And there is the consideration of being able to contribute financially to the household etc. I know it doesn't matter what people think. And really, a decision about this doesn't need to be made at this time. :) I guess I'm just thinking ahead of myself, wondering, pondering thoughts and searching for answers.

I do so love being with my children. I am afraid if I start to search for a new career, pursue new studies, etc. that my attentions will transfer too far out of the home and it will be difficult to care properly for my family while the children are small. Can anyone relate to this? When they are older, perhaps it will feel more right to do these things.

The other day we watched the movie "Chitty Chitty Bang Bang" and then sat and did some drawing together. I am soaking up these last days of all of us being home together, all the time.

Saraya's beautiful work - the flying Chitty Bang Bang and the house and invention room below.

I did a little sketching which Saraya coloured in.

William drew this one! I was amazed by his form here. :)

Elijah's "Funny hand men with ears". ;) He deviated from the topic a little!

This little man has fully embraced the idea of going to Prep. He will be almost a year older than many of the children in his class - but I don't mind that one bit. :) Look what he did yesterday:

I told him the letters a few at a time from the kitchen, and he wrote out "Welcome Saminda" on the verandah in chalk. Wow!

And this big girl? Well, as long as she has books in her hands she is happy. :)

We visited the library yesterday. She has gobbled up two of these stories already.

I know there won't be as much time for this once school starts. But I have to believe that the months and months of time reading she had last year will help her in her studies at school - and in life in general.

And I will do everything I can to make sure she still gets plenty of free time to keep exploring stories and adventures.

Please friends, I would appreciate any of your ideas / thoughts / opinions on all of the above. I guess I'm after some encouragement. I feel a bit lost "leaving" the beautiful homeschooling community I have been part of the past few years (both real life and online) - despite the fact that we are doing school, I will still parent with very much a homeschool mentality. I'm sure some of you understand what I mean.

Thanks, once again, for listening to my rambles. :)