My Big News

The big news in my little world is that circumstances have led me to move out of our acreage home (which still hasn't sold) and into a little cottage in town. It's a rental but after a week of moving and unpacking and pottering about this little house, it's already starting to feel like home.

It's our personal journey and I have hesitated to share this part of it with you, for fear of being reprimanded / criticised / discouraged. I'm not going to go into the details of how and why we have made this choice as part of our journey of separating, but we have. And yes, there have been tears and moments of fear and doubt, but I do truly believe that this step is an important one for both Stuart and I - the chance, for the first time in our adult lives, to live as separate, individual people. I know God is with us through this, and He will not leave us or forsake us. I hang on to that hope.

My beautiful children are all doing very well. I missed them terribly these past few days, as I was busy setting up this home for them and Stuart was spending the weekend with them. They came this morning, and it was so wonderful to have them arrive and soak in everything. I cherish them so much, and treasure my time with them now more than ever before.

My Mum arrives tomorrow to spend a few days with us, and the kids are so excited to show her everything. It's kind of exciting living in town again after 18 months out on the land. The kids and I even walked to town late this afternoon (an easy 10 minute stroll), had dinner (I'm still without saucepans until tomorrow!) and popped into Bunnings to buy a bath plug and some little brightly coloured kid chairs my children have had their eyes on for awhile. We walked home with the chairs stacked on top of the stroller, in the semi-darkness. They thought it was a great adventure!

I appreciate your prayers and ask for your support at this time. I look forward to sharing some photos of my new home once I've finished the unpacking.

Op Shop Bliss

So much going on in my little world, but for now let me share this morning's op shop finds. :) With school holidays coming up next week, I was thrilled to find a whole table of half price children's books - and when the books are only 50c or $1.00 to begin with, that's pretty wonderful!

Miss Saraya and the school librarian are practically best friends these days, she visits so often. And she's practically read every suitable junior fiction book in the town library. Sigh.

This pile should keep her busy for a little while anyhow.

And skirts! Two gorgeous long skirts for Saraya, and a long denim skirt for me - something I've always wanted actually. Total spent for skirts and books - $12. Happy dance!

Winter's Arrival

Well, this week has turned bitterly cold. Bitterly, bitterly cold.

I live in sunny Queensland - trust me, for us, this kind of cold - well, it's bitter, and kind of a shock to our systems.

So the jumpers, gloves, scarves and beanies have all made their appearances. The laundry basket fills more quickly with all the extra layers. We all appear a couple of sizes bigger. ;) And with all the hot tea and coffee I'm drinking, and the winter warming foods I've been enjoying..... if I'm not careful I soon will be a couple of sizes bigger! Just today I've started filling up on fresh fruit again instead of other things. Feeling inspired with health again is good. :)

Today I've enjoyed some peaceful alone time as the older children are at school and William is at kindy. It's been delightful - peaceful music, a little reading ("Picnic at Hanging Rock", which I haven't read since high school), a nice hot shower, cooking tonight's pasta dish...... and now, packing. Tomorrow morning after I teach my music students, Saraya, Elijah, William and I are driving 2 hours south to the Sunshine Coast to stay with my parents, brother and his fiance for the long weekend. I'm really looking forward to spending time with my family.

It's kind of funny packing jeans and jackets for a weekend at the beach...... but when winter comes early, and with a bite to the air, it's necessary! Hope you are all having a delightful Friday.

Beautiful, Beautiful, Beautiful...

... Beautiful Boy.

Elijah Turns Six!

Well, technically not until Tuesday...... but we celebrated his turning six last night!

He wanted a "fancy dinner party please", so we invited some special Prep friends and voila! I think he enjoyed every minute.

Elijah is not your average six year old. He loves to dress up, and feels dapper in a suit and top hat. ;) He loves musical theatre (hmmm, no idea where he gets that from), singing, and dancing. But he knows who he is, and isn't afraid to be himself. I so admire that in him.

Happy birthday darling Elijah Samuel!

What's Happening?

I've received several personal emails from readers, asking what's happening here at the moment. My blogging isn't very regular lately, and for that I apologise! I'm sure one day soon things will settle and I'll be back into some sort of routine.

So.... what's been happening?

The children have been busy with school and all that that entails. Projects, homework, reading, friends, birthday parties, life. All three of them are really thriving at the moment.

William and I have enjoyed long walks in the mornings together, and cuddles at home - trying to keep warm, it has been really cold the last couple of weeks!

I have visited my home city twice in the last month - the first time was a fleeting visit, to see an amazing vocal teacher and have a singing lesson with her - that was incredibly inspiring. I've been working hard on my singing ever since, both as a soloist and in a female quartet some friends and I have formed up here. We're already being offered some gigs, so that's promising. :)

The second time was to spend a day with my Mum, and visit with some old friends if mine. It has given me strength, spending time there.

Stuart and I are still living together, though as separate people. We are going through the looong processes you must go through when separating... and it's been a rather gruelling time for us both. There's not much else to report - other than we are okay, I have started having counselling, and we are both getting lots of support from friends.

Today I'm planning for Elijah's 6th birthday party, which is tomorrow. He is SO excited. :D

I'll leave you with this link to one of our "Sisters" rehearsals the other night. It's rough, and one of the quartet is missing, but it's something to show you! Cover of "Angel" by Sarah McLachlan.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CO6ElPxwRuc

My Baby Turns 3

Last night he was restless, stirring often and mumbling something about birthdays and presents and tractor cakes. It was cute... in a "please go back to sleep, I'm tired" sort of way.

But the sun came up and there were presents, and a tractor cake, and friends and our music group and cupcakes and candles and turning 3. I think he had a great day.

He blew out the candles....

... and now my baby is three!

Happy birthday beautiful William David.

William...

... turns 3 tomorrow!!! :D

That is all.

Photos of the birthday boy to come.

Photographs in May

I love photographs. I love the stories they tell, the memories they evoke. I love looking back on them. And I love to share them. Right now I want to remember that in spite of all that's going on in my marriage, life continues on. The children are thriving and growing and experiencing life in all their childhood wonder. I want to remember that. So here are some photographs of my beautiful, beautiful babies from the last few weeks.

There were Mother's Day cards and precious little gifts

Dress-up day at school - she went as "Annie" ;)

A visit with my Dad in his nursing home

Brother-sister cuddles

and silly time. ;)

A trip to the beach

and a birthday party.

And to Elijah, a birthday party = an opportunity to wear his suit. ;)

(He also wore it to the free dress day, along with a black umbrella - he was Gene Kelly from Singing in the Rain!)

For me, there have been moments like this.

And this.

Time to think, and be, and enjoy the wonder of my beautiful children and this life we have all been given.

Some Sad News

I'll keep this brief as I really don't know where to start, or what to say.

So I'll just say it.

If you are a new reader you may not know..... but long-term readers will know that Stuart and I have had very rocky periods during our marriage. 3 years ago I even left him for a week, needing space to think and process some issues we were having.

Things have never really improved. New issues developed. Old ones stuck around.

And now? We have reached a low low point.

We have separated.

Stuart is still living here, for the time being. We sleep in separate rooms, and are living as independent people. We share the care of the children, though I am still their primary care-giver. Once our house sells we will have some big decisions to make. We will most likely choose to rent separately while we both undergo counselling (I start this week), think and pray and just be separate people for awhile.

I don't know what else to say. This is why I haven't been blogging lately. I find it difficult to be authentic on here sometimes.... I feel like I'll lose readers if I'm just 'myself'. Yet that is what I long for - to be honest and authentic in my life.

The children are fine at the moment - though they are quite oblivious to what is going on. They are still perceptive though, and their behaviour indicates they know something is up - they're just not sure what. I'm dreading telling them we won't all be living together. Please pray for them?

I am looking to get back into the field I worked in before my children were born - disability services. I'll just look for two days work, for the days William is already in kindy. I don't want to put him in care any more than that. He's still so little. 3 years old in just 9 days...

Stuart and I are both doing okay. I know this is the best option at this point - though it's still painful. I am surrounded by very supportive friends who are there for me day and night. I am blessed by them.

More to come. Maybe some photos of my children just being beautiful and enjoying life? Boy I love those children. Sigh.

Not really back at all...

I know, I know. I'm a dreadful blogger. I said I was back, but I'm not really back at all! I apologise. I'm sure many of you have given up on me all together. :(

There is a reason behind my absence. I wish I could tell you something wonderful like "I've been on holiday to Paris" or "We finally sold the house and we've been busy moving" or "I've been doing so many fabulous toddler activities with William, I haven't had time for blogging." ;) But..... no.

Nothing so great as that.

Things are hard at the moment.

We still haven't sold our home..... and financial pressures are causing stress.

There are other stressors I won't go into at this point - but they're preventing me from viewing life through that 'blog lens' - the one that sees the beautiful and the good in the ordinary. It's stopping me blogging. Right now, I have little desire to blog.

So for now, please know we're still here, I'm alive and well, my children are beautiful and growing strong.

I hope that sometime soon I am in a better place, and can pick up my writer's pen / keyboard once again. xx

Easter Sunday Joy

Pancake breakfast; dressing in our Sunday best; egg hunting.

Bible reading; Church with friends.

Decorating the bare branches to make our Easter Tree.

Lunch in the park with the brass band playing; a ride on the model steam trains; Toy Story 3 in the afternoon; another church service in the evening.

Lots of Easter Sunday Joy. :)