Sad really, because it was the last weekend of the holidays and I wanted it to be a happy one. Everyone seemed to wake up on the wrong side of the bed, my mouth was aching from the extraction, and the children were really squabbly. We seemed to spend most of the day disciplining the children and trying to achieve a few bits and pieces along the way.
More than once, I was thinking to myself "Where have Stu and I gone?" You know that feeling, where it seems everything is about the children and there's no time left for just you two? Or even -just me?
I wanted to be here again..........................
(in Oklahoma last March- with a pregnant tummy- second left)
And Stuart here................................
Stuart used to do sword-sparring, and misses the performance and physical nature of that too.
I know it's important to maintain our own interests......... but that has do be within reason too. And right now, with Will still a newborn, just about all our focus and time is on family and home and school and Stuart's work. And most days, that's okay. Because I know this is a season. And the occasional feelings of being overwhelmed and lost, and wanting to get on a train with nothing but a backpack and a soundtrack playing in the background are okay.
All this to be said, to say......
I ended up tucking the two little boys in at 7pm on Saturday night, sending Stuart off to watch a movie with a mate, and keeping my girl up for icecream and a movie night. It seemed all I had done all day was correct and train her, and I realised all she really needed was ME. She needed some "quality time" with her Mamma. So, we watched an episode of the old Little House on the Prairie series and felt suitably warm and fuzzy afterwards. :) Just sitting on the couch and cuddling was exactly what we both needed after the day we had had. I'm so glad I realised that rather than just putting her to bed cranky and upset (which is of course what I felt like doing, to finally get some peace and quiet!!).
It's easy when we get caught up in "there's no me time", and "gosh these children are awful".... to want to just run away, or get really cranky with everyone.
But on those hard days, if we can actually stop, take a short break, breathe, pray and breathe some more, we can see that there is some humour and love needed. Our kids need to see us smiling. They need to see us laugh. We need to keep things light, and keep having fun toghether! And we need to do whatever we need to do to stay sane during these early childhood years.
So, as soon as William is big enough, I'll be back on the stage.
And when Stu feels he can balance work and family, and fit in something a little extra, he'll be back with that sword in hand. And won't that feel great!!!
And maybe we'll have our bigger little ones by our sides. :)