Some photos and a surprise.......

I thought I'd do a post tonight just of photos, to let you know what we've been up to these past few days.

Firstly just wanted to share that Easter Sunday was a really nice day.  Not many photos though!  After some family time at home, we headed to Hervey Bay to spend time with special friends at the beach and at their home.  It was a really nice celebration!

William has been beautiful this past week; he has taken to falling asleep on people whenever he's tired..... that's relaxed for you!  Here he is on Saraya (who had been giving him a bottle- she was SO happy with herself for putting him to sleep!) and on Stuart just before being tucked into bed.

Jam-drop biscuit making on Saturday.  Very independent children and quite good results! Lots of fun and yummy too.

The sandpit has been the main object of my children's attention this week!  They were out there right after breakfast this morning yet again, in the rain.  Yep, in the rain, in their underwear at 8am. :)  Lots of grand constructions, adventures and mess.  Even William is joining in!

Not sure what to say about this......... I was having a cup of coffee on my window seat this morning, watching the rain (it's poured all day today, including the hour we spent walking this afternoon before tea ..... a very wet experience!), and Stuart photographed me.   It's been a very grey, typically English sort of day.  Loved it. :)

That reminds me, has anyone watched "Lost in Austen"?  If you like Pride and Prejudice, it's a must-see - hilarious and SO clever!!  We watched it last week and both loved it!

And here is the surprise!!  My sweet baby is walking!!!!!  Enjoy..............

New Blog Look...

Okay, I love it.  I mean, I LOVE IT LOVE IT LOVE IT!!!!!!

Sorry.  Just had to share that!

More info on where these gorgeous photos of the children came from, and a plug for the photographer, next week. :) 

Have a blessed Easter everyone!

He loves us!

Today I have been reminded over and over how much Jesus truly loves us.  So good to reflect on this as we approach the Easter weekend.  I always find Easter Friday difficult; images of Jesus being nailed to the cross, wearing his crown of thorns, desperately in pain as he looks towards heaven.  Tomorrow I plan to focus on Jesus' love for me, God's sovereign plan..... the sacrifice, the love, the resurrection.

Today has been nice and simple and full.  I have baked bread, played with my children, spoken on the phone to a friend (and accepted a sweet Easter barbeque invitation!), done some laundry, had a massage at my favourite clinic (Stuart had one too- we felt we both deserved it; it had been a year and were 'overdue'; we both feel sore but in a good kind of way tonight :)), took my children to the book library, made a pot of soup for tea, etc.  Nice, family time.

Tonight our church showed the Jesus movie for children; it's a good adaptation of the Easter story shown through the eyes of children whowere there and witnessed the events taking place.  I cuddled my boy on my knee and tried to explain why the men were hurting Jesus, why he had to die, how God used his death as a miracle for all of us, how much he loves us.  They are tucked in bed now.  Saraya is having a 'sleepout' on her mattress on Elijah's floor. :)  Hoping they will sleep in in the morning.........

Tomorrow?  I want to read them of Jesus' death, talk about it with them, answer their questions.  We might do some colouring-in or a similar kind of quiet activity.

And I plan to send the children outside to play for an hour or so, so I can partake in some reading. :)  I have started Kate Morton's other novel, "The Shifting Fog" and ........ well, I can't put it down!  Excellent reading, highly recommended!

I hope tomorrow brings you the quiet love of Jesus, the assurance that he could have come down from the cross but didn't because he loved us so much - he wanted to carry through with God's plan for all humanity.  He wanted to take our sinful thoughts and actions upon himself and give humankind the opportunity to come freely once again to God.

He wanted to teach us of the love of his Father.  He wanted to teach by example.  He wanted to invite us in to that personal realtionship with Him.  He endured the mocking, the pain, the death.

He wanted to show us He loves us so much. 

Getting closer to God

Yesterday evening just before dinner I left the pot simmering and instructions for my husband to keep an eye on it, and I walked.  I walked around our neighbourhood.  I walked under the sunset and the clouds blowing swiftly across the autumn sky.  I walked pushing my youngest in the stroller and thinking of my other two at home.  I walked in wonder at the beautiful night descending quickly. 

I walked with God.  And He spoke to me.

It's funny, I've known for a long time that I often struggle to hear God.  To get that peace, that knowing, that clarity, that answer that I'm looking for.  I've also known that I hear God best when I'm in and around His creation.  Somewhere pretty or wild or lovely.  Somewhere I can feel Him in the sky and wind around me.  Always outside.

I felt God telling me a few things as I walked.  I was so captivated, so in tune with Him, I didn't want to go home!  I was walking with God.  He was so near me.  I was so safe.  And do you know what He called me to do?  Have this time with Him as often as I can.  To do my prayer and reading and journalling at home, yes.  But to come outside and walk, away from my responsibilities for a time and just walk, be free, and communicate with Him.  Listen with my heart and learn from Him.

Many many things have held me back on my walk with God.  Big things, things I cannot even discuss on here.  They remain in my journals, for my own eyes and maybe for my children to read when they are adults, if they want to.  The thing is, I don't want to be held back anymore.  I don't want to be distracted, waiting, anxious, in transition, immature (though this will always be a process!), etc. etc.  Enough already!!!  I want to embrace my faith.  Live my convictions.  Feel God's presence each and every day, TRUST Him entirely.

I know God wants this for each one of us, and the journey towards knowing Him fully is personal and different for everybody.  For me, I plan to go walking with God as often as I can- every day, if possible.  Early mornings with William, or late in the day after Stuart is home for work.  No chatty toddlers allowed on these walks though, they are to be reserved strictly for the purposes of talking with Jesus, leaning on Him and getting clarity and peace from His creation and His answers.

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Later after the children were asleep I spent some time reading some of Angie's words from 'Bring the Rain'.  If you've never read Audrey's story, it's seriously worth the time.  You can get to her blog from here, and there's a link on her left side-bar to start reading from the beginning.  It's truly amazing- just have a big box of tissues handy!

Interestingly, Angie posted a few days ago about her faith and how she got close to the Lord.  It's a good read, humerous and honest and inspiring.  I thought I'd include some of that post here; it helped me and may be of interest to anyone seeking a closer connection with Jesus.  Hope you get something out of it.

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"One of the most common questions people ask me is how I got where I am with the Lord- how it is that I have this relationship with Him, and how they can do the same. I always hesitate to respond, not only because I don't see myself as the ideal Christian (do any of us?), but also because I needed for the words to be God-breathed. 

I have asked the Lord for about a year and a half how to address this question on my blog and He hasn't given me the words. He is urging my fingers to move, and so my prayer is that these words will speak to you wherever you are tonight...

Several years ago I decided that I wanted to get serious about my walk with the Lord. I wanted depth and conviction. I wanted real and tangible... I think, in essence, I wanted a surefire plan on how to do this thing called Christianity.

Sound familiar?

I decided I would start reading books that would teach me how to fall in love with God, and began with a beautiful book by Jeanne Guyon calledExperiencing the Depths of Jesus Christ. I have comical memories of beginning this book, because the entire point of it is getting to a place where you can really have communion with the Lord, and a lot of that has to do with training your mind to be still, which I quickly realized is, umm, not my strong point. 

I was reading the book in the bathtub with the TV on in the bedroom while I painted my nails. Todd walked in and asked me what I was reading and I started giggling because it was kind of absurd to be multitasking while reading a book on being still. I came to love the book, and it's one of my all time favorites. After I finished, I dug into about 4 dozen more. It became insatiable-this search for how to love Him, how to trust Him, how to live my life for Him. I would ask people how they did it, and I would go to concerts and feel moved, but still not "get it." I did everything I could think of to "trigger" the relationship.

When so many people started asking me the same question, I didn't know how to answer. It isn't my nature to give giant, complicated Biblical spiels or to make myself seem higher in understanding than others (quite simply, because that is not the way I see it at all).  What I did want, desperately, was a way to communicate to you all how I got here, because I love Who He is to me. But I wanted something concrete because that's the way my brain works (yeah- broken pitcher, scarlet cord, clay, papyrus, hem, scarf, threshing floor....I think I may have picked up a theme in my devotional-style writings :) ). 

I like tangible things that I can wrap my arms and my head around, and unfortunately, knowing Him and believing in Him don't really fall into these categories, so how exactly do you tell others to "Just dig in and trust?"

In the days that have passed since I went to my dad's house, I have been meditating on what the Lord is revealing to me about how I first sought Him. I read every book (minus the Bible, mind you) on "knowing God."

I was extremely well-versed in theory, but completely lacking in practice.

And to be honest, there was actually great appeal in leaving the canvas blank.  I could stare at it and imagine the masterpiece, without the opportunity to do it all wrong, or worse yet, find that the whole thing wasn't even real.

As I have let these thoughts rattle around in my brain, I realized that for a long, long time, I liked the idea of Him much more than the real Him. Madame Guyon and many, many others told me how they loved Him, and for awhile that was as good, if not better, as me doing it myself. No risk. I could read about missionaries and see this amazing Savior, but not really have to invest in relationship with Him. 

I just couldn't take the chance. 

I loved Him from afar, through others. What beautiful potential....I would think....

So as the books piled up, the canvas remained blank.

I'm not sure of the day or even what led to it, but one day I laid down all the beautiful words that people had given me and I let Him speak. 

And I heard Him. 

The Bible can be an intimidating, big, tissue-ish paged book to many, but when I opened it, I asked for Him to help it come alive for me and it didn't take long. I realized as I read through Genesis that what I had thought would be boring and dry was actually fascinating, and filled my mind with the kind of images that no other book could. 

Slowly, carefully, and with many eraser marks, the form of my love for the Lord began to take shape, and as I grew in confidence, I pulled out dusty oil paints that allowed me to brighten it, and I started taking the time to fill in details here and there. On occasion, I have taken a step back from the easel and I have seen things I never knew I could paint. He has given me great courage in the darkest of nights, and intense joy in the least likely of places. 

So how do I answer all of those emails, piled in an inbox, asking me how to get here. I guess He just told me...and I want to tell you.

Disregard the manuals and pick up the brush.

I am sitting in front of a computer screen that I have spent most of my life leaving blank, because I didn't think that I was really good enough to be a writer. I think about all of the canvases in my days that I have left untouched for fear of failure. Do you have any of those? The ones that you leave in "potential-land" because you can't bear to have them go wrong?

I think about the greatest masterpiece of all- the God I almost missed because I was so worried about the details. And all He wanted was a daughter who loved Him and wanted to bring Him glory.

So back to the question...how do you get there? 

You won't find Him in a 17th century book, nor will He ever be truly found on this (or any other) blog. He isn't found in a great sermon, or even a haunting worship song.  Not even in a Beth Moore study (although she can lead you right up to His throne, it is only you who can choose to bow down to Him).

It pains me to say that even (gulp) the music of David Crowder in and of itself cannot give you the peace that comes from one, solitary moment, when you hand your life over to Him. 

These things can be amazing conduits that allow us to experience Him, and can help us to grow in our faith-but they cannot ever replace the one True God.

You will find Him if you seek Him-He promises us that. 

Tonight, as my eyes tempt me to rest, my heart is beating quickly and with great purpose, because I know Who He could be to you, and I am filled with passion for guiding you to Him.  

Talk to Him, even if it feels crazy. 

Open the Bible and read. Ask Him to reveal Himself in the pages (maybe not Leviticus right away. That one can wait for a little while....)

Listen for His voice.

Watch for the things He is trying to show you.

Dedicate yourself to seeking, and you will soon be swept off your feet by the greatest pursuer of all time.

Even if your hands tremble, pick up the brush and see what He has for you... 

I am praying that He speaks truth to your heart; the truth that no human mouth can convey, and no hands can quite capture in writing. I am praying that He makes Himself known to you, and that you fall deeply in love with Him. Head over heels, turn over your life and trust Him love. The kind that urges you to live with holy abandon.

One simple suggestion, though.

Don't bother doing your nails.

They'll just get messy with paint anyway."

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Such a boy!

Even at 10 1/2 months, my William is such a boy.  Let him loose outside, and he just goes wild. Literally.  Dirt, bark, sand, water, mulch, soil, rocks, pebbles, grass ................... wide open spaces, free-ranging chickens .................... he LOVES it!

You want evidence?

This was after a half-hour or so of baby-free-ranging this morning. :)

And yes, that IS a chick feather on his foot. 

I heard a saying once that "a dirty baby is a happy baby".  That makes William a very happy wee boy!  And nothing that a bath can't fix, I say!  

Underwater World and Home

Hello my faithful friends and readers,

I am happy to tell you that we are home, we are all doing fine, and on the road to recovery. :) Stuart and I talked many times in the last 2 days and agreed today would be the day for us to come home.

The children and I travelled up home today, and we are all feeling settled to be together again- a little surreal, changed and new, but still the right timing.  I know it will be a long road ahead, but with little baby steps and a God who can do amazing things, I am feeling much more hopeful for our family than I was a week ago.  And we have 2 weeks holiday stretching before us, so lots of time together- I hope we can use it really well.

I know my blog has had a very different feel lately, and for that I apologise!  Things really have been pretty blue.  I guess I have had trouble focusing on anything else, and my journalling has reflected that.

SO, for a complete change and a breath of fresh air, here are some photos from our wonderful day yesterday!  Mum and Ray decided they wanted to do something really special for the children, and treated us to a day at Underwater World which was just north of where we were staying.

It was truly a great great day, perfect to reflect upon and share with Stu as we came home today.  Enjoy!!

 "He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High 

       will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. 

  I will say of the LORD, "He is my refuge and my fortress, 

       my God, in whom I trust.""  Psalm 91:1

foggy

not much brighter

late at night

thinking

not getting anywhere

confused

alone

bewildered

afraid

needing Jesus more than ever

holding on

hoping

praying

trying to see

praying

praying some more

believing

wishing

dreaming

wanting

needing

crying

longing

looking for understanding

looking to understand

lost

hurt

in pain.

focus.

breathe.

foggy.

everything's just foggy.

Iris

I can't get this song out of my head this morning. Yeah, I know why. It's significant.

Iris, by the GooGoo Dolls- remember that song featured in the movie "City of Angels"? I tried to put a clip of it on here but apparently I don't know how to do that.

This is the chorus.....

And I don't want the world to see me,

'Cause I don't think that they'll understand.

When everything's made to be broken,

I just want you to know who I am.

I just want you to know who I am.

I just want you to love who I am.

I just want you to want who I am.

I just want you to need who I am.

I just want you to know who I am.

Waiting on my King

No words of my own today. Just this prayer, in the words of Sherri Rose Shepherd......

Lord, I know in my heart that your timing is perfect, but I still feel restless in my spirit as I wait. I want to see your plans for my life unfold now. I want to know ahead of time what the future holds for me. It is so hard for me not to try to control circumstances or manipulate situations so that things happen the way I want and according to my time frame.
So, during this season of waiting, carve into my character all I will need to fulfill your amazing plans for my life. Don't let me waste my time while I wait on You. Grant me your perfect peace while you prepare me. Give me wisdom about when to move and when to be still. Rmind me daily that your timing is perfect and that your plan is for my everlasting good.
I choose to wait on your timing.

A break

I am writing from Brisbane.

I lay in bed for hours last night, mulling and thinking and praying and yes, crying.

I am tired. More than that, I'm exhausted.

So this morning the three children and I packed up the car and drove the three hours to Brisbane. We are staying with my Mum for a little while. I'm not sure how long. Maybe 3 days, maybe a week. Maybe longer. It's incredibly hard to be away, yet necessary I think, at this time.

Of course, according to the children we're on a great spontaneous holiday! They were wonderful today. They are happy.

For the next few days, I will just be with them. I will chat with my Mum, rest, pray and listen hard. I will browse the grand pile of books Cathy has sent with me. :)

And while I do all this I will miss my husband. And pray for him, every moment I can.

Sunday afternoon

It's a drizzly, windy Sunday afternoon.  We're still in March, yet it feels more like June.  It's chilly and a bit electric outside.  Great weather, especially when it's the weekend and you can take a little time out for some reading. :)

Brisbane author (I feel so proud, I too am a Brisbane girl!) and young Mum (huge respect, how does she find time to write such spectacular stories?!) Kate Morton has written a beautiful, mysterious, very very clever historical novel set partly in early 1900's London, cliffs at Cornwall, the wharf at Maryborough during early settlement (you know I now live in Maryborough so reading about the early history here was brilliant!), and Brisbane during the 1970's.......... all so interesting, and such a great novel!!  Full of mystery and romance and generational family saga.... but not overdone, just so gently, honestly written......... so clever the way the stories intertwine...... oh, that's it- I'm going to get off the computer now and keep reading!!  Just a hundred pages or so to go.  Track it down and read it, I highly recommend it!  Apparently her first novel The Shifting Fog is also excellent, and was an international bestseller.  This one is her second.

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On a side note, thank you all so much for your thoughtful comments below, and your prayers and encouragement.  

We are doing better.  We are talking, which is such a good start.  I'm going to be patient because I know this will be a process of healing and negotiating and working out how we can both do better, how to move forward.  This is so not one-sided; I need to make some adjustments too and be really honest with myself.  Never easy, but so worth it.  It's interesting to discover that no matter how much a couple can love each other, it's still easy to hurt one another and grow more distant as the years pass.  Easy to get caught up in life's pursuits, in careers, in friends, in the care of children.  

So good to be focusing on our togetherness again.  So important.  I'm handing this one over to Jesus this week; I'll be trusting, praying, listening, learning.

Any ideas???

Okay, my loyal bloggy friends, I have some questions for you and am begging for any answers / ideas / inspiration to help me!!!

The last few weeks have been a real blur for me.  The whole madness of the Wizard of Oz season, and now post-season, coupled with William's sudden weaning, my hormonal changes, subsequent emotional state, etc. etc. have raised all sorts of interesting issues and questions.  Funny that.

My mind has been plagued with questions regarding things I even struggle to put into words.  But I am so interested in getting some feedback on this that I will try!

So, the question put simply is this.  How do two people, once married and down the track of life a bit, find the balance between their own lives and identities and the responsibilities/ group identity of family life?  Does that make any sense?  Let me back-track.

I was 19 years old.  Stuart was 20.  We had just become engaged to be married, and over the next 2 years would do a great deal of thinking and planning (often on giant spreadsheets of paper!)  for our future together.  We were SO close, inseparable in fact.  Enthusiastic, dreamers, idealists! Our whole lives ahead of us!  If you read this post from last November, you'll already know things haven't gone quite to plan. :)  Some of the little disappointments and major failings have also lessoned our enthusiasm in general I think.

It's true that I leaned fiercely on Stu from day one, and *needed* his affirmation, love and affections more than was healthy; I have since given my heart to Jesus and now try to look to Him for these things- but I do still struggle in this area.  

Our engagement was just 9 years ago, but it feels like a lifetime.

I cannot believe how much having children has changed me.  I mean, really really changed me.  When Stuart said the other night, "Don't you remember what we used to be like?" I had to honestly answer "no, I don't!!"  I simply cannot remember who I was before Saraya's birth.  Is this normal?  

Stuart absolutely remembers, in fact, he is still very much the person he was all those years ago.  Yes, he's a youthful kind of guy, and yes, he's a prep teacher and thus a big kid in many ways and may never grow up, and yes, he's a man and they seem  more like "islands" to me than women who need to be connected to people and things...........  BUT, shouldn't I remember??  Shouldn't I still have a separate identity, see myself as valuable and worthy outside of my motherhood, see myself as a woman with a life and a future, have personal interests and pursuits, take time to develop the relationships with the women precious to me, ....... remember who I am?????  What do you think??

Also, I have always seen Stuart and I as a package.  You know, as one.

When I made any decision it was always in light of "us".  I never went through a single day or moment thinking of  myself as separate from him.  Or our children for that matter.

I've realised in the last month that Stuart doesn't see things that way. (I think..... I'm pretty sure he doesn't read my blog anymore but if you do Stu, feel free to verify/disagree/leave me a comment on all this rambling!, shed some light....) 

Stuart is Stuart.  He is his own person.  Sure, he has a family and I know he loves us.  He is often a wonderfully supportive, kind and generous husband.  He is considerate and helpful, and we have a polite, friendly relationship.

And I know deep down he loves our children very much.

But when it comes to the crunch, he is just Stuart.  Independent Stuart.  Prep teacher.  Funny guy.  The pied piper to the many children around us.  Lover of history and geography.  And now, like me, a lover of musical theatre. (forgive me Lord, I'm working through my emotions on that front.....)  And friend of many through the popularity of facebook. ;)

I have felt so alone, so confused over all this.  My head is always filled with the most mundane of things..... cooking, cleaning, washing, folding, baking, sorting, shopping, etc............ and the most serious of things........ mainstream schooling vs. homeschooling, a little girl with complex emtions, chickens who look sick (am I just paranoid after losing our last lot?), renovating on a budget, diet and nutrition, personal growth, my faith, etc etc.  I am desperate to share this all with Stuart.  And he will listen if I talk to him about these things, he is always willing to sit with a cup of tea in the evenings and hear me talk. (got to use up those extra 3000 words before bed, you know?!)   But in the deepest parts of my heart, I want him to want to know.  To want to know I am going.  How the children are going.  To be intimately connected to me, to them.  To really, really care. To be here.  Is this right? Wrong?  Normal? Unrealistic??? 

I am absolutely NOT criticising or putting down my husband.  As I have said, he is a wonderful person.  

I just feel over the last 9 years we have drifted.  Fragmented.  Become separate people.  Or maybe we were always separate people and I just didn't realise it.  Maybe we should be.  

I just never thought this would be a reality for us.

I can feel myself drifting from him.  Seeking out myself after being "lost" to my children and the domestic world for so many years.  In many ways I feel our relationship would be better for me finding myself again, being more independent, less needy, less naggy, more self-sufficient.  I am deliberately going to God about many things rather than to Stu, leaning on God more, seeing him as a support and Father to my children when I know Stu is wanting to be busy doing other things.  I know He is the ultimate Father and giver of help and wisdom.

I'm just concerned that in all this drifting, this letting go, this seeking of my independent self, and encouraging of Stuart's, we will grow further apart.  That we will become two separate, happy adults, with our own friends and interests and pursuits.  That we will be merely friends and housemates who happen to have three children to our names.  That the intimacy and deep love and dreaming and longing will be lost.

Please, help me!  Women out there- how do you see your husbands?  How do they see themselves in terms of the family unit?  How do you keep the union alive yet allow room for individuality, freedom and time to oneself?  Does anyone else feel we need more hours in the day? I know I do!  Weekdays are so full, and by the time evening comes around we both are exhausted!  I am longing for connection withStuart, and yet we both also seek time on the computer.... facebooking and blogging etc.  We both tend to retreat.  And yet we used to want to do so much more together.  The couple of hours of evening just disappear.

Please forgive this ramble- you know I do this every so often!  But please please please leave a comment if you have made it through this post- I am so interested to know what you all think!  I just want to do this right.

Thanks, 

Saminda.

Happy 10 months William!

Our beautiful bonny boy is 10 months old today!

William David, we love you SO much!!!  Thankyou for being the beautiful boy that you are! 

Thankyou Lord for blessing me so abundantly with the children I have always prayed for!  They just fill me with so much joy and purpose.  Thankyou for my number three baby, my 'determined guardian' (William), my 'beloved' (David).  

A nice morning

One of the things I love most about staying home fulltime to care for my children is the flexibility and spontaneity it allows.

Usually on Tuesday mornings we go to a toddler music program and morning tea which I really enjoy (and Elijah tolerates :)).  But this morning I was feeling pretty slow and weary and was beginning to think we may just stay home until grocery shopping time which we usually do after music.  This would allow William to have his first nap of the day at home, giving me a chance to rest before the shopping trip (always tiring with 2  helpers!).  Just as I was thinking along these lines Elijah came out of his bedroom wearing his backpack, packed for "a picnic at the park", "Come on Mamma, we're going!" as he headed toward the back door. :)  William was just getting tired so I said we couldn't go right away.  But suddenly the morning put itself together in my mind- rests for Will and I (us early risers...) while Elijah watched Playschool, then we would all head in to town to do the groceries, pick up a few extra bits for a picnic lunch in the park across the road from the shops.  Yay!  We did this and all feel we got what we needed/wanted this morning.  I still need to unpack but you know, the boys are happy so I'm sitting here for a bit first. :)  Catching up on the wonderful world of the internet.

I love being able to say "yes" to my kids; and to my own needs, and to Stuart's.  It's not always easy to do but seems to be helpful in building up a more contented home and family.  It's actually going to be a goal of mine this week.

What do you do.................

............... if there is a sudden Sunday-afternoon downpour?

You strip down to your undies, grab some toys, run outside and have the time of your life in the water, of course!!!

Oh to have the same joy, creativity, spontaneity and zest for life as these two!

A sweet start to Saturday

An spontaneous breakfast tea with an early riser. :)

A Beatrix Potter reading fest, inspired by our tea mugs.

A very happy baby.

Cool, fresh breezes, dappled sunlight shining on the ground and trees still wet from the overnight rain.

Two children who jumped into the "big bed" to have a little reading time, independently.

An hour-long chat on the couch with my husband, about musical theatre, career, family, friends, children and life in general (no pictures of this ;)).  Ah, a sweet start to the weekend.  Now the washing is done, the rest of the family is out, and I am going to go curl up with my book for awhile.  Yippee!! :)

I'm praising God because......

 * This week has been SO much better than last week

*  I feel like something has changed inside me, something profound and wonderful and I'm praising God for it and asking him to please let it stay!!

*  Cathy had the boys yesterday morning for a few hours and it was bliss- I didn't realise how desperate I was for a bit of help!  Thankyou dear one :)

*  I can see more clearly (mentally and philosophically speaking) than I have for a long long time

*  I also may be able to see clear without glasses by this time next week; yes, I have decided to give contact lenses a go full time!  Oh, the freedom I will feel!!

*  Stuart and I are back on track and I just feel so grateful for that... time for some serious changes for both of us and some wonderful times to look forward to! More on that to come...

*  I got the house completely cleaned today, and it has that fresh sweet smell- I love Fridays :)

*  I am going out tonight, yes OUT! Helen and are seeing a movie and then having coffee, just us two - it will be precious time.

*  TOmorrow is the weekend and we will have some much-needed family time, hooray!  No rehearsals, no performances....... (sorry Stu, I know you're still in mourning.....;) ; Stuart is also taking the children to a birthday party and I'm staying home to....... well, I'm not sure, but probably read as I just started a really good book. :)  Hooray for the first real weekend in months.

*  We also have a bbq party tomorrow night for the cast / crew of Wizard of Oz- the "after after" party they're calling it- really just an excuse to get together and see everyone :)  Bonfire, good food, good company........  maybe some singing on the side...........

*  I have a beautiful home, a husband who loves me, and 3 gorgeous healthy children - really, what more could I ask for?  

Mother Culture

A long passage, but truly worth reading (especially for mothers) and very much what is on my mind and heart at present.

"Somewhere it is written that "A mother is only a woman, but she needs the love of Jacob, the patience of Job, the wisdom of Moses, the foresight of Joseph and the firmness of Daniel".  But a mother not only has to have all these things, she must have them all at once, often when she is quite young, and too often when she has had no previous training of any kind for the marvelously varied duties she has to perform.  Before she marries, a young lady does not imagine herself facing the difficulties of managing the complicated workings of a household. Untried responsibilities come upon her as soon as she does marry.  And perhaps, just as she is grasping the situation, her first child is born and fills her whole heart.  Then, not only her own health but that of another's depends on how she manages her life. The question of child training and how to "bring up" children becomes a new study and practical concern.

Another child is born, who eventually becomes a sunny companion for the first. But it seems that with each passing year, a mother's job description is revised. The desire for her husband's love and friendship is still strong, but a careful division of her attention is given up to the various aspects of maintaining a happy, well-managed home.  Time alone with her husband now seems to have to be either previously planned moments or stolen ones. There are holiday celebrations to arrange, extended family parties and visits, church functions, occasions for neighbourly hospitality, etc. In the center of it all is one little woman- wife, mother, mistress all in one! 

Is is a wonder she feels overspent? She wears herself out. In her efforts to be dietitian, laundress, nurse, hostess, teacher, taxi driver, wife, mother and mistress, she forgets that she needs a little time for herself.  And it is then that she stops growing spiritually and mentally. Physically she feels ragged and drags through the day until, without being able to mark the hour it began, she lives with depression. Her mind is in a drifting fog when she wants it to think clearly and efficiently. With the distractions of her multi-faceted duties she is unable to follow a train of thought."  (here, here!! thank heavens I'm not the only one!...)  "She considers herself hopelessly behind in everything. Her feet are in the quagmire. It takes an incredible amount of effort to keep up appearances, to wear a winsome countenance. The last straw is the guilt she feels that she is "lukewarm" in the Lord. If I hadn't experienced these symptoms myself I wouldn't be writing this chapter.  Therefore I can validate the need for Mother Culture.

A fresh wind of change will revive you when you participate in Mother Culture. some may say, "I simply have no time for myself". Others, "I don't think it is right to think of myself". Such mothers are stuck in a rut of self-sacrifice to the extent that they are starving themselves spiritually, mentally, and consequently, emotionally. Their children will grow up with that "Oh it's only mother", tone in their voice. Some children will eventually carry the attitude that they know more than mother on all points.

But all this can be altered. Each mother must settle this for herself. The only way to do it is to be so deeply impressed herself with the necessity of growing that she makes it an aim in life.

I think it is a definite gain to the whole family when mother is able to take a little time to pursue her own interests, whether they be crafts, painting, sewing, gourmet cooking, a literature group, gardening, goings to plays or ballets with her husband, or bicycling. "I have no time for these simple pleasures," is the mournful cry. Yes, there isn't time for ALL of them. Think seasonally. One interest per season, coupled with thirty minutes of reading a day, may be all that is needed to keep up the mother culture and regain any lost enthusiasm for living.  Billy Graham said "Mothers should cultivate their souls, that in turn they may cultivate the souls of their children". If we would do our best for our children, grow we must. On our growth depends, not only our future happiness, but our future usefulness".

- Karen Andreola, The Charlotte Mason Companion, chapter 46 -

I love this. :)  What do you all think??

Our afternoon

This afternoon we pottered in the garden.  We made a quick teepee from bamboo stakes and planted seeds for climbing beans, bush beans and sunflowers.

This pumpkin vine is growing very well, it's quite wild!  

It had been awhile since we had done any planting in the garden.  The children were willing helpers and we enjoyed the cool afternoon, the sunshine and the togetherness.

William enjoyed crawling about with the chickens, digging and eating soil. :)

Tonight Saraya opted to read her school readers to Elijah before bed, a privilege for him as he loves the stories in her readers!

Things are looking up.  Yes, definitely they are.   Thankyou Helen and Cathy for some beautiful conversation today.  And my bloggy friends for some encouraging comments too! :)  "This too shall pass"....... and I can feel this is an opportunity for a turning-point in my marriage and family life.  And for my personal life.  I'm quietly excited!  And gardening always brings me peace. :)

It's Over!!!!!!!!

Yesterday afternoon I went to see my very talented husband and adorable daughter in the Wizard of Oz.  Yes, it was my turn to see it, finally!  I went with my brother Michael while my Mum (who was here again for the weekend, hooray!) looked after the boys.  It was SUCH a treat to be there, just Michael and I, and oh so strange to be in the audience and not on the stage with them!  But wonderful.  Stuart was a delight- so clever and funny and loveable, and I'm very proud of him.  And Saraya was positively gorgeous as a munchkin- even when she kept nervously chewing her nails between dance bits. :)  I'm a very proud Mamma.

It's been a massive journey, a very successful production, and I think we're all in the post-euphoric state that comes at the end of a show.  I wonder what the theatre will do next year???

I've had an extremely emotional few weeks, with lots of deep thoughts running through my head about all sorts of things.  I'm sure I'll be sharing some of them in the coming days..........  

Happy Sunday everyone!