Sunday, February 22, 2009

End of an era

This is me back in 2002, cuddling a sleeping baby Saraya after a feed, baby advice book by my side, bottle of water always there too.................

I have had a weepy weekend.  This week has marked the end of an era in my life.  William has weaned, and my days of breastfeeding my babies is over.

This was unplanned, though God has been nudging me this direction for awhile- the migraines I have been having seem to be triggered by hormone fluctuations, often from breastfeeding.  I have resisted the weaning anyhow, and am still emotional and struggling to believe this is really "it".  I guess the weepiness will continue for a few more days as my body continues to settle and change.

There is a sense of freedom that comes from no longer being a breastfeeding Mum.......... but then, I have really just loved every minute of it.  I love the bonding. The quiet moments, day or night, when it's just the two of us.  The way they looked up at me and fiddled with my collar.  That sense of nourishing my children, of giving them such good healthy, growing milk.  I didn't have to worry about taking bottles or food with me on outings (for babies or toddlers :)), as my milk was always there!  I could take extra vitamins which could filter through for them when they were sick.  It provided comfort when nothing else could.

The other children were breastfed until the age of 2.  But for William, this was not to be.  God has shown me through William (and that convicting peace that comes) that this is the right way to go this time.  And William has directed things this week, leading the way to this change.

William is doing okay, aside from his cold and cutting 4 teeth in one week......... oh, and going through the adjustment of breast to bottle, breastmilk to formula, feeding through the night to not feeding through the night...........  Wow, actually he's doing very well considering.  I love my baby so much, and ultimately know that no matter what I do, God loves him more and will always be his ultimate provider and protector.  Please join me in prayer for William as his body adjusts over the coming weeks.  Oh, and for me....... for sleep, and comfort, and peace. 


Tereza said...

how bittersweet! I felt that way when my now 22m old weaned at 6m because my milk just dried up!!
My 7m old is still nursing but I am thinking and s-l-o-w-l-y working in that direction due to my health. So I totally understand what you must be feeling. I'm sure I'll be posting this in a month or two!

Kelly said...

Oh Saminda! Bless your heart, mama! I know what you mean with all of it. Grace self-weaned at 2 years old and I didn't miss BFing her at all even though I'd enjoyed that relationship. Then, I had mastitis, thrush adn a clogged duct during the start of nursing Libby and wished that I could just stop. But, after getting through it, now I'm worried about getting pregnant again so soon because I'd lose my milk supply and not be able to nurse my little darling as long as I wanted. There's such a mix of emotions with breastfeeding. One minute I hate it, the next minute I love it. I don't remember feeling upset when Grace weaned, but now that Libby is nursing I look back on Grace's breastfeeding days a bit whistfully, because she's so much more independent now and older. Where's my little baby, and who is this silly toddler? :o) How I love her, though! Both of them.

Praying for your comfort during this time. You are a fantastic mother - I always love reading your stories here even if I only have one free hand and cannot comment much, LOL. Have a lovely weekend, mama!

Aunt B. said...

Thanks for the explantion of the words,we have plenty of our only here in the far north; like going outside means leaving Alaska and going to the lower 48, which means the rest of the U.S.
As to daughter's name, think of the author of the books you are reading to your favorite childhood books and favorite lifelong name.

Renata said...

What a difficult time for you & Will - praying for you both. Hope the adjustment is going well. I had to wean the twins earlier than I would have liked & found it really really difficult to work through - but in the end it was so much easier. I hope your health problems improve & your body can get some much needed rest.

Kimmie said...

Praying...for you and Sweet William.

I totally understand your emotions, I had prepared to nurse our newly adopted daughter. I knew it was a risky move, as she was already 7 months old. But my heart told me I would only fail if I didn't try. It didn't work, as she was getting teeth (4) since she came home and she just couldn't be coaxed. Part of my heart is broken, but as I did all I could...I will leave it in God's hands. ...
If the God who can doesn't, well then it is for the best, even if I don't understand why.

mama to 7
one homemade and 6 adopted


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